Fix

I just realized that the titles to my blogs are funny. This title, for example, could mean a number of things. Like. I need to fix my door. I need my fix of ecstasy. or... i guess thats it.

I really have a hard time fixing things about me. YES! YOUR LUCKY DAY! Another depressing blog that really is not meant to be depressing. I just can NOT let things go! not like, grudges or anything, I just cant move on and look forward. I feel like I am not capable of fixing broken things for myself. I have to rely on others and i hate it. I have to whine, complain and rant about my problems just so i can feel a little bit better. After a while i eventually forget and move on, but I wish i knew how to be the kind of person who pushes past hard times and lets go of things that hurt me. Any suggestions on how to fix myself? Im open to ideas such as Potions and Spells. Or more simple things such as... gosh i dont know. candy? Eating my feelings? I hear thats pretty popular.

I have ten followers. Hello! Thank you for following me. 

Well this is New

Look at my blog. Do you see it. Look harder. Yes there is something new. Something special. If you found it. Im proud of you. If you didnt, go cut yourself, with paper of course.

Yeah i got all fancy. It came at a price. It wiped everything of mine. My music, the blogs i follow and the ones i posted along the side there. I had to go through and type it all in and yeah. It wasnt too bad but i mean hey. gotta work for the creative...looking...blog. I hope it is aesthetically pleasing. 

Also. Im getting a little more blonde in my hair tomorrow. Get ready to probably be pissed!

Spiritual Blog ha.

This sunday I had a pretty spiritual experience and i just felt like I should get it down somewhere so I can remember it. I know this is what Journals are for, but i would probably get way too emo in that thing.

The talks were on Forgiveness. The way our ward does it (im sure its the same with every BYU ward) is a group of roommates talk together. So each week there are three speakers blah blah. So the first speaker was this one guy who talked about how we need to remember the pure love and forgiving nature of Christ when we are having a hard time forgiving others. He talked about how for so long he never felt love from God and during that time he was living a very negative and hateful lifestyle. He said once he started praying and reading his scriptures in the pure hope that he would feel Gods love for him, everything in his life started coming together, and once he felt Gods love he promised himself he would never live a lifestyle that would cause the feeling to go away. It was super powerful and you could really feel his gratitude and sadness and man it was just good.

The second talked about how we need to be as children when it comes to forgiveness. He worded this all better and quoted the exact scripture but he talked about how his down syndrome little brother loved hanging out with his dad and one day after his dad got off work he just wanted to go lay down on his couch and watch his shows. His little brother sat in front of the tv and watched with him for a little bit. He started getting bored so he started messing with the tv and vcr. His dad started telling him to stop but he kept doing it over and over again after being told not to. So finally his dad came up to him and gave him a little "love tap" he said haha. His brother started crying after his dad laid back down in the couch. After only a moment his dad said, "Come give me a hug, im sorry" That very second he ran over to his dad and gave him a hug and just started crying in his shoulder. He asked how many of us are willing to forgive someone that quickly. Im sure none of us do really. But he said thats how quickly God can forgive and how quickly we should try to forgive. 

(Sorry this is so long)

By this third talk the whole room was really still and quiet and focused. This never happens at our ward. Everyone is on their iphone or G1 or just talking to their girlfriend or boyfriend. Everyone was paying attention. it was crazy. So the third guy gets up and his tactic is stories too. He was the older brother of the guy who spoke before him. Their stories kind of intertwined and made one giant awesome talk. He first got up and told a story about how he pantsd  him infront of his girlfriend. Everyone laughed and it was funny for a second but then he said that he wanted to take that opportunity to say he was genuinely sorry for what he did. It was a good little intro haha. He told a story about how one day his cousin was out with his younger brother wandering around a dirt road when a 21 year old drunk driver hit one of the boys. The father of the boy was able to get to the hospital just in time for the boy to pass away while holding his hand. The whole family was upset. They were all really close apparently and the guy speaking actually had a really close relationship to the boy. When the court date finally came up and they had to meet with a judge to do final sentencing. The father of the boy had an opportunity to make a statement about his opinon on whether he wanted to press further charges or something like that. The dad stood up and read the verse of scripture from D&C 64: 9  it says, "Wherefore, i say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother and trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin." After he read it he looked at the 21 year old and told him he forgives him for what he did. I know you are just like, oh this story ive heard before its nice. But really we were all just like all dead silent and i dont know i just doubt there was a person in the room who didnt feel the spirit. So he sums up with a story about his down syndrome little brother. One of his brothers had spent an afternoon setting up a domino-like block area in his garage. when his brother stepped away from his project for a minute, his down syndrome little brother (i wish i knew his name hahaha i feel bad for labeling him like that haha) anyways, he tapped the first block and all of his brothers work was ruined. when he found out he yelled at him for ruining it and he started crying and felt really bad. Their mom took him into the kitchen and baked him some cookies and gave him some milk to help make him feel better. As soon as she handed him the cookies and milk, he walked out into the garage and gave his cookies and milk to his brother who had started fixing the blocks. Really. haha for real. everyone was crying. Ive never cried in sacrament meeting in my life and it was just so powerful and i dont even know how it all just kept building up. It was just great though. Anyways. This was terribly long. But i guess this post was mostly for my benefit haha but i hope you learned a thing or two about forgiveness!!!! ha

Earth Day/4 hot mammas.

Well i certainly hope you all participated in Earth Day. Is there a difference between Arbor day and Earth day? Dont they basically promote the same things? Can they do that? Well we just freaking went around and wished people a happy day and we even pulled an earth day prank on Kate. It was actually great. We were going to pick up cyd from mutual and kates car was just parked there. She leaves her car unlocked and her keys just sitting on the drivers seat and we just took it away and she freaked out and thought it was lost forever. When she thought all hope was lost, we parked the car back in the same area and it just would have been greater if she didnt find out it was us. I also saved a tree by yelling at anna that she was in Drive rather than Reverse. She would have killed the poor thing. Luckily i yell well fell shell mell sell bell tell.

I went to prom tonight also. See picture below:

It was weird. First of all because this is not something i would normally do. Second because we were freaking polygamists. Third because its just weird. haha it was funny though. The second we walked in everyone just took notice. There was this main gathering area right through the front doors and there were like 75 people standing in this room and they all honestly stopped talking and just stared at us. Seriously it was so quiet. Some people were laughing (not sure if it was with or at us) and it was just crazy. We walked through the whole place and everyyoonneee took notice. I would say half thought it was funny and half hated it. Its a funny thing to say ive done though haha.

Board. not Bored.

Me and Anna somehow decided we did not care what anyone thought and decided we could totally longboard down provo canyon at 12:30 at night. No moon or anything, we had one small glow stick to light the way. We thought we could totally do it with no problems. We had ridden it on scooters before and we knew it was flat for the most part and we were so confident with ourselves. My sister told us to sit down whenever we dont have to be pushing ourselves at all. Sounded simple enough. during the first quarter mile of the trail there is a really long straight trail that goes slightly downhill. We ignored the fact that we were picking up speed and we both got to a point where we didnt know if it was going to get more steep or if it was going to turn or what so we both just were screaming and stuff and we both tried to stop somehow. My tactic was one i had played over in my head just for such an occasion. I lowered myself down and tried slowing myself down with my feet. Something went wrong of course. Anna just tried to jump off and match the speed. You would think i learned my lesson, but i did the exact same thing on the same stretch of trail hahaha oh man. The rest of the way down we sat down. It was better. Once we got to Annas car parked down at Wills, anna realized she forgot her keys in my car. which was parked at the bridaveil. We got more practice on the way back up though. We actually rode the boards haha. It was a pretty crazy night, but enjoyable. I dont think i was made to longboard.

Second Place Victory

When you visit my blog, you will notice music comes from the computer also. Its weird right? Well the music is all great and specifically chosen. One of my all time favorite songs is Second Place Victory by This Day and Age. (Wait, by Something Corporate is my number one all time fav. song) The lyrics. So good

"Its breath taking to think of you, and to learn that sometimes the only way out is through. Its mind numbing to think of yesterday, Id run to you now if i could but things have changed. I heard you say Its enlightening, think of the breeze, to believe in things, we cant see. 

Its mind numbing to think of yesterday, we'll look toward the stars and dream that we're airplanes, i heard you say, its enlightening, think of the breeze when you watch the sun set, think of me. So here we go. Lets show them how to live, accept the pain, always forgive. Watch the sun go down, learn the sound of following all that's complete."

I've had a crappy past couple of days. I hoped the weekend would help but I even had an awful weekend. Nothing was working for me and it just sucked. I try so hard to stay positive and not rip myself up from the inside. Its hard though. I cant stop focusing on so many things and I cant help thinking so negatively about myself and why things cant work. I am extremely grateful for the power of music. Songs like Second Place Victory really help me in the most emo way. Even if its only for a few minutes, my mind can rest. I can stop thinking. Feel better and soak in the sound. I do need help though. Things just suck right now.

My goal isnt to get you feeling sorry for me i promise hahaha i just hit rough patches and getting it down on here helps me sort things out. I love you for reading this. Stay safe.

Conference.

Any of you seen the moons reflection on Utah lake? Its a good thing. ha

Conference weekend. it was a crazy one. First there was drama about the priesthood session and how i was going with my home teacher but morgan didnt want to drive up with us so it would have just been me and this guy ive talked to once and i eventually had to bribe morgan with pizza to get him to come up with me. it was worth it because they got along a lot better than i would have if it was just me and him. It was a good conference overall. I watched three full sessions!!! haha.

Then Donald Trump fired Chloe Kardashian because she had a DUI she was working on so donald fired her based off of NOTHING on the task. I dont watch the apprentice much and the one time i gave it a shot it was the dumbest thing ive ever seen. pants are done. Stay safe. 

Hope you had a good weekend. mine was awesome.

PostSecret

Me and Anna went to a PostSecret presentation today. It was freaking surprising to find out it was Utah State University instead of University of Utah. Theres an extra hour on the road. But we got there in time, had good seats, and i really enjoyed it. If you guys dont know what post secret is then look on my list of blogs and click on it. Its updated every sunday with new secrets. Anyways. good day. loved the secrets. Love the books. it was good.

Hair

Ive had a really stupid obsession about my hair ever since my brother started dating Ashley when i was 16. she was in hair school and would do stuff to my hair all the time for free and for practice. It was habit forming. when you get it changed every two months for two years, you get bored of your hair really quickly. I tried re-creating one of the pictures from my last post with this one. I failed miserably, but morgan was rushing. hahaha he found out i blowdry my hair, i had to explain to him that it wasnt my fault, he claims he doesnt judge me, but im sure he does...just a bit. ALSO MTV does this stupid "Please Stand By" Thing like every ten minutes. its pissing me off. Also..... I got a girl pregnant, im killing myself, i suffocated a cat and i stabbed a cop.....APRIL FOOLS! ha. suckers.