A Good Day Everyone!

I would have posted this yesterday but I was too tired at the end of the night to even really use my computer much. But everyone just let it be known that Saturday, December 26th 2009, was one of the best days I've had in such a long time. Like, SUCHHHH a long freaking time. (Up until like 2 in the morning, but that technically was the 27th so it doesn't count) I just thought I would declare to anyone reading these things that I don't have depressing days every single day. Hahaha you're all amazing and I hope you are all happy.

Ctrmsahmis!

Well today was Christmas. If you would like to take a moment and read the blog I posted a year ago today, I mean, you can. If you do, you'll be very confused. Because last Christmas I kept saying sad things that it was my last Christmas for two years and it was just perfect and so sad blah. Well yeah, you will obviously see that I am still around wont you. Because of that, it was a strange Christmas for me.

I kept telling my parents I didn't want much for Christmas because I wasn't even supposed to be here technically. They were nice and were like ohhh yes you are supposed to be here. Its perfect its wonderful its fine... Meh, I dont know. The stigma of being 19 and Utah and males is you should be on a mission. These next couple of years are going to be tough. Some people really will look down on me for not being on a mission, and that will suck. But anyways. CHRISTMAS! Yes. It was great.

It was also weird because my older brother Logan is in a wilderness therapy type of rehab place down in Phoenix until the 7th of January and so he was gone. We missed him, so that was sad. But he's doing so well and we're all glad he's getting help.

Reagan had to spend Christmas in Washington with her husbands family and that sucked. I love Reagan so freaking much and I hated not getting to see her. But we're going on a road trip to pick up Logan so PARTYYYYY!

I love you guys. I love reading your blogs and I love you for reading my blog. Stay safe while you're out of school, and I hope you all had a good Christmas.

Cry Fest

I'm aware that my last post is all about me staying happy, I'm doing an okay job, but you know, I think the issue is I'm too emotional of a person to be happy all the time. So when I go on a happy streak, I have a break down. There has to be some sort of regulation as to my emotional balances. Because I'm getting annoyed.

Well it happened like this you see. I was on a walk. Already in just like, having a sad mood because I keep thinking about the same stupid things that always bother me, and so yeah I went on a walk to help me feel better because it usually does. And then Heartstrings started playing and iiiii just flat out started crying. Like, uncontrollable hahaha I had my headphones in and so i couldnt hear that stupid noise that you make when you cry. Luckily. I really hate that sound. The sound of when IM crying at least haha. Well I kept on walking and kept on crying and then I calmed down, got a phone call that was probably the best Christmas miracle ever. Cried a happier cry for a while. Calmed down. Went inside. And was fine for a little while longer.

I went to a movie with my little brother and his girlfriend and it was good and I figured that I was done for the night. After I dropped them both off, I was driving, a sad song came on, I thought of the things again. And broke down. hahaha I'm not kidding. Brokeee down. I rarely go on fits where I lose it, but I did. And I could not stop. I wish I could move on with my life. But I dont want to move on, and I dont know how to. So i feel like im doing this to myself and deep down I dont really care that I'm always sad about this. I dont know. Listening to myself cry was so stupid. I hate that sound. So dumb.

Just Realized

It took me a long time, but I've finally done it. Well, for the time being I've done it. But hopefully I remember that what I am thinking right at this very second is true, and that there are NO variables that come into conflict with this.

I am in control of my life. I decide what influences me and it is my decision on how I respond to certain situations. I can get hit with something and guide it in a direction that will most easily make me happy. I know this seems way too common knowledge but I'm the type of person that needs to feel sad for a minute. I need to feel sorry for myself and just be sad about every dumb thing that affects me emotionally. I can decide where I go from here and guess freaking what.

I'm changing my life and I'm determined to make things better for me. I know I'll still hit rough patches but what good is it doing for me to just sit around and do nothing about my lack of happiness? I can make my own happiness. I am very determined to do better and I think this is the only way I will slowly but surely heal my depression. Who needs a therapist right? All you need is like 9 months of trying to figure it out.

June

I did a stupid thing tonight. I do stupid things every night though. I was having a pretty bad day all day and I knew it was going to get worse tonight but I decided to be an idiot and make it even worse and harder for me. I'm starting to think that I actually enjoy being depressed. There's no other explanation for why I cant just stop. The stupid thing I did was remind myself of the past. from like, march to june specifically. I'm sorry that this really is what this blog has turned into. I have no other outlet and I might as well document how I'm really feeling.

June was the last time I was not depressed... Thats seriously messed up for me to think about that. There's been some good times between right now and June, but every single day I hit a point. A point that sends my mind into an explosion of... me... I guess. I just start to think and remember and ugh. Every single day it happens, I'm not lying.

June just was honestly perfect. I can not think of one negative thing about it other than the fact that it was the beginning of the end. So slowly things started declining in June and I didn't even see it coming. I was so sure that everything would stay perfect and I had nothing to worry about. By the time June ended, I knew things were going back to the way things were. My life hasn't even necessarily been bad. Like, I have amazing friends and family and I really shouldn't have as much to complain about as I do. But what I lost in June was something that I don't know how or when I'll find again. I want it back.

Made it This Far.

I started this blog almost exactly a year ago and I've spent 100 nights of this year thinking of things to post. Actually I never really had to think of what I'd post because being an emotional person decides for you. I am thankful for this blog though because it really does help me organize all the drama that my mind unnecessarily forces into my life. It also is nice to know that I have a few habitual readers. So thank you guys.

I thought it would be fun to do one of those survey things. 100 questions to mark the occasion. This is a celebration right? And I know you guys don't get enough of these via fbook or myspace. Here it goes. (I looked through a few of these surveys and this one was the least annoying.)

Are you scared of creepy creatures: Like freaky bugs and spiders yeah but only when the go crazy on my face and stuff.
Are you scared of cockroaches: Nope. I think its cool how they will not die.
Do you get scared in the dark? I used to. Like insanely. I couldn't fall asleep without the TV on or I wouldn't be able to get to sleep.
What is your favorite day of the week: Sunday
Your dream car: I love Doris, but I've always kind of wanted a Jeep or a Volvo. I'm not too into cars though.
Your dream vacation: Europe. Happening this May. Even though its like. school too I guess.
In your next birth, you would love to be: I...am not this religion. Whichever it is.
In your past birth, you must have been: Uh.... OH! like im guessing! ok uh... I must have been some sort of disturbed plant or animal.
Your favorite pizza topping is: Cheese. Sometimes BBQ Chicken.
How many kids do you want to have? 2 or 3.
Last TV channel you watched: Disney Channel. If any of you say anything negative about this ill find you.
What are you wearing right now? Scrubs i stole from surgery.
What do you wear at night in bed? ...The scrubs i stole from surgery.
Your favorite toy in childhood: This weird dinosaur plush doll that made the funniest noise when you squeezed it. Haha I haven't thought about that weird dinosaur forever.
How many teeth do you have? What the freak? A full set I guess. Minus my wisdom teeth.
When did you last visit the dentist? 6 months ago about. I should go again soon.
Which toothpaste do you use? : Uh, its orange. Its that foamy orange kind. Ugh, im too lazy to get up and read it. But its orange and foamy and the best.
Your preferred toilet paper brand : I used too. Then I moved out and only cared about cheap things when I grocery shop ha.
Three things you can do: Walk, Talk, Mop.
If you had one person to take with you on a deserted island, it would be?: Dont know.
Your dream celebrity date: Hahaha
Do you believe in aliens? : Not really. But I swear I saw some crazy unidentified object one night in flagstaff AZ. It made me consider it haha.
Do you believe in ghosts and such? Ghosts, meh. Spirits yeah. Same thing?
Favorite cocktail : Shrimp.
Favorite fruit : Applessss
Favorite flower : Sunflower
Have you puked at a party? Nooo.
You would love to get a tattoo done on your: on my NEVER!
Have you pretended to be sick to avoid someone or some meeting? : Yeah thats a dumb question every single human has.
Do you cry easily? No. But I've been crying a lot lately.
Do you swear a lot? Not a lot, just socially, at parties....(ellen joke)
Favorite body part in the opposite sex : Eyes. and Hair.
Corniest pickup line used by you on someone : I don't think I've ever used an actual pickup line.
Corniest pickup line someone used on you : My friends dared me to come over here and talk to you. So I had to. (not really corny, but freaking weird i think)
Have you ever been in love : I only know I've been in love once. I would doubt myself that it was actually me being in love or just me thinking I was in love, but I've never been in more emotional stress in my life because of it.

Are you still in love? : Yeah
Have you ever been caught in an embarrassing situation by your parents? : Hahaha I think the most embarrassing thing ive been caught doing is like, making some weird video with Berkeley and Michael when we were 12. We probably had weird stuff on our face or something stupid like that.
The food you hate to eat : Most fishy foods.
Your favorite breakfast cereal : Oh's or Golden Ghrams.. Grahms? Gramhssdse
Do you have any pets? : A cat at home. Cricket.
If yes, describe your pets : Long black hair. Tons of hair. Stubborn and so freaking annoying.
Which is your favorite holiday? : Christmas for sure.
Have you ever been drunk out of your mind? : No.
Ever been in a car accident? : three. but only one was my fault. and it was technically mckenzies fault. hahaha.
The boy band you secretly listen to : Most the bands I listen to have only boys in them? Stupid freaking survey.
The body part you would love to get pierced : None.
When did you last diet to lose weight? : Never. I've wanted to gain weight since I was 16.
What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up?: Get pissed and shower.
Do you read newspapers or books in the toilet? : Hahahaha no. But I will send an occasional text or two.
Are you in love with someone these days? : already asked this question stupid.
Would you date a hottie who is totally dumb? : No i dont think so.
Has anyone slapped you on the face? : HAHAHA yes! three of my friends. All three were legit times too. Berkeley's was the funniest.
What is the color of the underwear you are wearing? : Dark Blue....have you ever been alone in a crowded room? I say the world could be swimming till theres nothing but dark blueeeeee.
Which is your favorite underwear brand? : Hanes and Paul Frank.
What is your favorite denim brand? : I do not wear denim.
If you could afford a fashion designer, it would be : Seven or Diesl.
Your first cell phone was : This smalllll thing. I miss that phone.
Do you prefer to text or talk on the phone? : Talk to people I love. Text people I dont.
Are you a sensitive person? : Ex-freaking-tremely.
Would you go for a one night stand? : We need a mormon version of this survey.
The romantic movie you like most : I like Notting Hill. But I'm not a huge fan of most romantic movies.
The action movie you like most : I dont know ha.
Do you believe in heaven and hell? : Yeah.
Which is your most memorable trip with friends? : Trip to St. George with Cyd and Anna or my trip to Florida with Missy and Allie or my trip to Jersey to hang out with Brian.
Which newspaper do you read daily? : msn.com
The magazines you like to read : Ones in lines. People is as interesting as it gets.
Your first job was : Magleby's
Did you have a best friend in school? : Kelsea! Then again shes like my only friend at school.
Which email service do you use most? : hotmail.com!
Have you ever walked to save money? : nope.
Where do you shop for clothes? : Forever 21. Urban Outfitters. Nordstrom.
What was your pocket money as a kid? : the age you were. per week.
Can you talk to someone for long hours on the phone? : Yeah, a couple of people.
Do you like taking stupid surveys like these? : No but I did it for the sake of my boring blog.
If yes, do you have too much free time? : Why did my answer have to be yes? I Still have too much free time.
One memory you wish you could erase : A few. Not sure why this survey thinks I would just tell you.
Any sport, you are really good at : I'm way good at Ping Pong somehow. And Long/Snowboarding.
In your purse, you keep a photo of : No purse. Wallet. Movie Stubs and hotel keys.
Do you take any medicine daily? : Just two vitamins.
Have you ever lied about your age? : No. Ive never needed to.
The last person you kissed was : My phone.
The last country you visited : Mexico.
Do you need music while you are studying? : Yes. Its not possible unless I listen to it I promise.
A song you loved as a kid : the Bicycle song by Queen. And Baby Baby by Amy Grant :)
Any kiddie song you still remember : There was this song about this dog that was on this movie that scares the crap out of me to think about.
Habits you hate in others : Eating food weird. And breathing weird.
On a scale of one to ten how obnoxious is this survey? : SO FREAKING! But I've endured worse. So I'll give you a 9.
One habit of yours, you wish you could change?: Staying up too late.
Do you brush twice a day? : Yup. I'm a freak about my mouth.
How much time do you take to get ready in the morning? : Half hour. Shocked? You should be.
Are you a day person or a night person? : Night. Night night night ill kill the morning.
Your favorite cartoon character : Spongebob or Dori.
Have you made a complete fool of yourself anytime? : This is retarded of course i have.
Any word or sentence you repeat often : "Hahaha"
Describe your computer monitor : Picture of me cyd and anna at Topaz Mountain.
One book you are dying to read: Tuesdays with Mauri. However you spell maurri.
One movie you are dying to see : I'm excited for Alice in Wonderland.
One music album you are dying to hear : Relient K. It came out forever ago but i keep putting off buying it.
How much time did you take to complete this survey? : Wow. Between facebook chatting and answering these questions it did take me 40 minutes. thats sad.

Well i guess that was like. Kind of fun. I hope that wasnt as boring as I feel like it would be to read. I love you guys. Say hi to me. Things are still messed up.

HAPPY 100TH ENTRY MY DEAR DEAR BLOG!

The Times

I noticed tonight that the things and decisions I make are shaping the good old days of my life. One day I will look back on the things that I am currently doing and I will be like, huh. I don't know if that 'huh' is a good 'huh' or a bad 'huh' as of now, because I feel like the activities that I occupy my free time with are good things. I believe that I'm trying to direct myself down a path that I'm happiest with. I could be wrong though. I probably am.

I am not a superstitious, but I'm a fan of positive thinking and hope. I also am a fan of luck. I don't have a lot of it, but why not avoid things that bring bad luck, and be hopeful with any goody lucky things that come your way?

I bought a dream catcher the other day at a Native American Pow Wow thing that my school was hosting because honestly the past week I have been having the worst long lasting nightmares. Seriously such disturbing and depressing things kept happening. (Honestly I'm convinced they are all a reflection of my current emotional state, so I'm blaming that.) You guys read my blog about that one bomb. It was a way weird dream, and they just started getting scarier and scarier. But hey, guess what, last night was my first night sleeping with a dream catcher above me and I had an actual GOOD dream. I remember it vividly and it was a very nice dream. Indians know cool stuff I tell you.

Also, I wish on the exact same thing every time I see a shooting star. It actually changed like 5 months or so ago. But it used to be that I would be happy. I wished that every single time I saw one and it took a while for it to happen, but it finally did, so I changed it. Eeeeven though the happiness is still something I struggle with. I'm just hoping this wish doesn't take as long.

One day I was driving down 9th East with my windows down one afternoon this fall and out of nowhere a leaf flew into my car from my passenger side and landed right onto the passengers seat. I hurried and rolled up my window because I didn't want it to fly away or get lost. I looked at the leaf and decided. Thats good luck. I cant even think of any time when I feel like that particular scene brought me any luck at all, but I want all of you to know (and feel free to pass it around) that when a leaf flies into your car while you're driving. I consider it to be good luck. That leaf is saved in my box of random things that I'm glad I have.

How does this all tie into my introduction to this blog you may be wondering? They don't really. Well, I wasn't trying to, but I guess they could tie together. Positive thinking and hoping for the best is all we can really do when we are going through all the crap that we go through. If I want to look back onto the times that I'm living right now, I don't want to remember this emo side of me that you're always reading about on this blog. So if you ever see a shooting star or make a wish on something that you think brings luck. That'd be cool of you to spare that wish and wish it on me, because I need it right now, and maybe it would help.

Sidenoteeeeeee. if you guys arent facebook friends with me, then you do not know about this video. So here you go my friends.

Shouting Outing.

I have to give a quick shout out to my Aunt Wendy for being an amazing aunt/person. She came to visit for the week and I didn't get to see her much but I'm thankful for all the love and support she gives me.

Also. Jeff and Kelsea are great people. I had a good Sunday today, and I'm grateful for it.

Its finally feeling like winter. Its helping.

Love you guys.

Sad AND Pathetic

There is a fine line between being sad, and being pathetic. I have come to the conclusion that this line is not a real line to me. Because I am clearly both.

I have been sad for. the last two months at least. I lost the direction I was heading in and went the wrong way. I lost who I was and I still cant find my way back. I'm losing everything. No matter how hard I want my life to be different, my determination and willingness just isn't enough. I cant keep feeling like this. I need sometime to change and I need to find it soon because honestly I'm headed back to therapy soon if I cant figure this out. And I do not want to go back to therapy.

You know. I know that I make a bigger deal of things than what is actually presented to me. There are things that I want to be different but I cant change where I am or where others are. I just cant and it kills me.

I know exactly what I want, but I just cant get it. I cant be where I want to be. And I cant go where I so desperately want to go.

These are problems I am supposed to have had when I was 17. I don't want to be hurting like this right now. I can't believe how pathetic I've allowed myself to become. I want to be stronger than this, I need to be or else I know I wont last much longer.

I'll keep trying and I'll keep positive. I just don't know how much longer I can keep pretending like I'm alright. Because believe it or not, my fellow readers of this blog, very VERY few people know how I'm really feeling. So feel proud, you know me a little better than the rest of the people in my world.

Easily the Craziest Dream of my Life.

I had the longest continuing dream I think i have ever had in my life last night. Usually the scene changes and the point of everything is lost and it becomes silly or scary or whatever. But this dream stayed exactly the same and it was the closest thing to being in a movie and it was cool. Kelsea keeps a dream journal so i figured one that i remembered so clearly would be a good one to document.

The first thing i remember was my family from Arizona came up to visit us. The people on my moms side of the family have money, so when they got word that Utah County was up to no good, they decided to purchase an atomic bomb haha. They bought it, and set it. At that point, i kind of thought, and was like. Wait. W'ere about to blow everything up here and cause an unthinkable amount of people to die! When i addressed this to my family they were like, oh. crap. uh...well. I guess we cant go back now. Maybe it will be okay?

I was outraged at my families decision and ran away. I called anna and asked what she was doing, she said she was just coming out from a drive up spanish fork canyon. I said perfect. Meet me at the mouth of it. She did and we hiked up a mile or so to the top of the canyon in this little sheltered area. I gave her the rap and she was weirdly okay with it. We sat and watched some small tv while we waited for it to happen. We were watching some local news network and then all the sudden it was just like woosh. and they were gone and we peeked over the mountain top and saw the mushroom cloud. 

We waited like two days because we had to wait for the smoke to clear but that was fast forwarded so it was alright, and we met up with this asian couple and we said, WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN THIS HAPPENED TO YOU?! And they said, Just DONT drink the rain! we made the mental note and proceeded to find a car.

We found a car full of gangster mexicans and said, can we drive this. And they said, yeah but it doesnt work. I tried once and it worked so that was nice. We drove ourselves to the walmart that we were pretty sure wasnt within the blast zone because we needed to get matress sheets hahaha. We got there and there was nobody there, so we bought a house up by where our hut was ha. We got back and we decided to try to call family and friends. We got ahold of cyd who's family was in London so they were all okay. Anna never tried to call anyone. I called my family and they were all like, oh yeah we're great, la la la. Then the rain came. So we screamed and ran for cover but we couldnt find anywhere to hide because the rain went through trees and metal so we had to find a bridge. We finally did but when we were safe i was like, YOU DIDNT DRINK ANY DID YOU ANNA! And she was like....Just a few drops! I was just so thirsty! So we have a whole freak out session and then we decide we need to go to the bookstore to find a cure to prevent you from getting sick from the radiation. 

The trip there wouldnt be so easy thistime because the freeway finally fell apart. So we had to pack food on our backs and walk there. We met up with a family of three and told them our story, and they said they were on their way to see if any good movies were playing. It was a respectable trek in our opinions. 

Then i got a text from anna that woke me up.

Emo Pic. Hallo

I know I already give anyone who reads this enough proof to be convinced of how Emo I am, and this picture isn't helping at all, but i saw it and I gave a FOR REAL laugh. I know.

My halloween wasnt extremely eventful. We were denim. Me cyd anna and drew. We were very nice denim. Anna was a gorilla... in denim. Drew was a monkey... in denim. Cyd was a dinosaur... in denim. and i was a substitute teacher... in denim. We watched some movies and yelled at some kids and stared at each other and stuff. It was good.

I...uh, am registered for school for spring semester. So thats a good thing. Once i finish next semester I'll be done with my freshman year AND some of my second year. dont make fun of me im aware ive been in school for almost two years.

I hate the haunting shows on Discovery. I like hobble creek trails. I will marry Hocus Pocus and my friends are great to me. 

Snow

Every year ever since I can remember I would record the day that it first snowed every year. I love it when it finally starts to snow. It's the best day when it finally snowed.

Today I woke up to it snowing! that was great. But then it stopped, but then me Cyd and Anna went to the Haunted Forrest and it started snowing right when we pulled in. It snowed at least an inch by the time we left, it was crazyyy. But I loved it and it made the experience cool. The forrest was awesome by the way. Screamed way more times than i thought possible. Ran from so many things so fast. It was good. Im feeling very ok right now.

Yeah freaking I'll be Infrequent.

Ha, I was complaining about how none of you are blogging and its been a long time since I have. And NONE OF YOU CARED. Geez. haha well I'm feeling better about a lot of things right now. I know you were all wondering. ha

This last weekend was fall break. It was a well spent break I think. On wednesday night we finally had our lumberjack/fall send off party. We all dressed in plaid and went up to Cyd's cabin and had a fire and talked in accents and discussed the importance of the four B's. It was a great night. We drank some form of beer. im not sure how you pronounce it but its something like rot beer. You cant even taste the alcohol in that stuff it was way nice to get drunk off of. Then we had some light shows and ive gotten a lot better guys. And then we listened to Enya and told sad stories. Then I got yelled at for getting scared of a spider. Then we got tired and went to bed. But we woke up and made fall colored pancakes and cleaned up like good lumberjacks do.

I really cannot remember what i did on thursday.... i.... I gardened! thats what i did. I freaking was my parents personal gardner this whole fall break and did mass remodeling of their whole landscape. It looks great. I had to come back for three days. it was crazy, but i got paid.

On friday after i gardened i went to The Stepfather with my family. The movie was awful, never see it. By far the worst movie ive seen in a LONNNNGGGGGG time. Then played with drew, kate and cyd. Kate came down for the break.

Yesterday, took pictures for my cousin, i dont think i did as good of a job as I could have, but its alright I guess. And I was going to see Where the Wild Things Are, but didnt, and then hung out with anna and kate. I love them.

and todayyyy. edited pictures and stuff and had dinner with the family. then was fake asked to a dance by Kelsea and kendall!! Oh my freak, i need to post the whole order of that hunt on here or something. soooo funny. I had to follow fish everywhere to find these notes and at the end they had her sister poke out and just be like, "I'm your princess, dont you remember me?" I really was very scared that some stalker had come to just like, meet me out of the blue and I was about to run. Kelsea and kendall came running but i really was so freaked. I love them. It made my day. Then we went to kendalls house and watched demetri martin and then i hung out with brennen and cyd for a while and i love them and it was a good sunday. 

my blogs arent funny anymore. Ill fix that i guess. 

I love this picture by the way. NO NAMES ALL THE ONES IVE POSTED WERE POSTED BY FREAKING NOBODY APPARENTLY BECAUSE I CANT GIVE THEM CREDIT!

Keeps happening.

I dont know how or why this ALWAYS keeps happening, but I always end up feeling sad about this one thing. This one thing thats been in my head since the beginning of summer and this one thing that I needed to move on from by the end of summer. I keep thinking I've finally moved on and gotten over it, but I feel like it keeps coming back in my head and I dont know how to stop it. DONT PANIC EVERYONE ITS NOT SOMETHING AWFUL AND SINFUL AND DEATH AND EMO. Its just this one thing. And its so dumb that I cant get past it.

ALSO the kid in this picture seriously could have been 3 year old me if i had dark hair as a child haha.

What is going on.

I figure that people are discovering that there is more that they can do with their time instead of blogging about seemingly pointless things. But you guys are seriously slacking lately with blog posts. I need to follow new people or something because you guys are seriously boring me.

Anyways. Im up in Idaho visiting my cousin Kate currently. I missed her and it was a good day. Tomorrow is conference, I intend to listen closely while I'm listening.

Enjoy this picture. I like it. I want to find cool places like this in utah somewhere.

CYD!/Another Journal haha

Cyd had probably the most amazing two day long birthday anyone has ever known.  I went to the Miley Cyrus concert tonight (Cyd's real birthday) (Concert was good good good good good, me and missy are in love with her all over again and she loves us too.)

So anyways yesterday me and Anna and Cyd went to Topaz Mountain and we went on some amazing escapades. See Facebook for details, maybe I'll post some pictures on here, who knows. Anyways, it was way great. We ate food and hiked and climbed and hunted and pictured and we ambushed a ghost town. Then we went to the Santa Queen diner and ate food and played an arcade game or two and then we went on a mini long boarding adventure then we went to a golf course and ran around it was crazy. 

Then this morning! (Cyds REAL birthday) Me and Anna went and picked up Cyd to eat breakfast and we did and we ate and it was nice. Then I napped. Then we went to Trafalga and went mini-golfing. I won by two strokes. HA. then i went to MILEY then I met back up with cyd anna and brennen (Brennen is the new addition to our group of three, hes cool. We all like him) I ate cake and then took brennen home and we went on a mini longboarding ride and then got a drink then went home and here I am. BEST TWO DAYS EVER FOR CYDS BIRTHDAY!

He'res another funny journal entry haha

Journal #57 3/28/09

Hello Mutt! What up! I dont know what I should say to you! I'll try my best. But I think I may fail. Are you doing superfantasticuloulisticlyishious?! Because I am! You see, I went to bed at 10:30 last night. Like exactly, so I got exactly 8 1/2 hours of sleep! Can you believe that! It is a new record! I really have never fallen asleep MUTT! I just read the story of how you came to be "Mutt" & how I almost started to spell your name with one "T" instead of two t's. Good thing we went with the way I did. I couldn't see you being my Mutt any other way! Aly has a little cough. Poor Aly. I shall wish her my best. Hiram's Journal is named "Deshawn" But like Dashawn. Fastly said. Nahhmsayin!?! Tacy is texting me less frequently & it makes me sad. But its Chille. {I spelt Chill like Chille by accident I think thats funny hahaha} Miss Tuttle. Hiram told me to write Miss Tuttle. I dont want to though. Bye!

hahahaha ohhh man.

>Love you guys.

Real Life Journal

I've told you guys that one of the reasons I keep this blog is because I am not disciplined enough to habitually write in a real journal, but because I always get on the computer at night, it is easy for me to just post a quick blog every once in a while.

BUT HEY! GUESS WHAT! HERE COMES A REAL LIFE JOURNAL ENTRY! This is from my English class from my Senior year.

Journal #35

Yo! Mutt! What up! That's tight. Well man. OK! Here goes! Gavin's hair is going to look insane come 12:00 this afternoon. It will be crazzzy! <---- (Micky Mouse Looking) {the dot in the exclamation looks like mickey mouses ears and head} Anyways. Life is rad. You are rad. And school is rad. All the way yo! You know exactly how I speak. I dont know what I am saying. I'm very tired. OK! Now I am to write for real life. I'm just kind of chillin here. Oh yeah! I'm really close to getting my eagle! Yeah dog I know! Ok, I have to get my Pet, Photo, Radio, Astrology and some other merit badge and them I AM DONE FOR MY WHOLE LIFE! Yay! I know Mutt! Are you excited for me? THX! LOL! OMFGSH! WTF! Who do you think you are? Yeah you! I'm talking here! Geez. Holy freak calm yourself! I blame Hiram for all my misfortune. But thats chill. Because one day I will pummel him into the ground. JK. If this is used as evidence in some future case then it isn't true! I didn't do it! I'm innocent I tell you! But for real. I wont hurt him. I'm over it. He can make me misfortunate all that he ever wants. So now that I've cleared my name for the death of a certain Hiram Jacob. I am going to bid to you my farewell. I hope you have an excellent day my journalrific friend Mutt! You stay a good little journal until I see you again. Dont be hitting on too many other other journals while I'm gone!

There is one other entry that will just blow your mind as equally as I'm sure this one has. I hope you enjoyed.

I love Cyd. Shes prevented emotional breakdown one too many times and I'm lucky to have her in my life. I'm going up to Idaho next week! and im excited. How are you? Inform me.

Starting this blog post. I decided I am going to add one amazing picture in each of my blog posts. Ill give credit when I can find it. Love you guys.

I don't know.

I don't know how I have 19 followers.

I don't know what to keep writing in this blog.

I don't know how I keep my friends.

I don't know how to keep stability in my life. It always seems to fail and slip away.

I don't know why I'm always so emotional and why SOMETHING always seems to be going wrong.

I don't know how to fix ANYTHING.

I don't know which secrets of mine are valuable to me anymore. Or which I even consider secrets.

I don't know where I'm really headed.

I don't know know which I miss more. Being 16 or not having to worry about anything except going to High School.

I don't know what prompted me to post this.

I don't know what the freak is going on with anything.

Freaking Dream.

I just woke up from an insanely lucid and real dream. It was so weird. I will describe from the beginning. As i remember.

It started when me and two girls were selected to go on a shopping spree at American Apparel with Tyra Banks. I couldnt really find much i wanted so i kind of watched the other two girls shop. One girl found a skirt thing that was like 60 dollars, and Tyra responded, "....ohhhhhhh. thats a little steep. I guess I'll still buy it for you."

So i guessed that 60 was our spending limit. I found a hoodie, V-neck thing. Grey. It was alright. So i got that.

Then we got back to our house and everybody freaked out asking us if it was fun and what we got. There were like 5 other guys there and im guessing (to keep things even) 6 girls. It was about that time that I realized i was on Americas Next top model. It was all normal to me. I got it, sat down on a couch, knew everybody's name. 

The next thing i remember was our first challenge. We had to act out a scene from a movie. All individually. My scene was from the Lion King and i had to act like my dad was just killed by that stampeed. I did a great job, i cried on cue and everyone clapped for me. Even tyra. After I finished, someone said something to tyra like, "Well this isnt extremely fair for all of us, Gavin played Jasper in twilight." Hahaha and then like, my dream acted like i was watching TV and it showed a clip of my performance on Twilight. I look sexy as a vampire.

Alright then the drama ensued. Top Model fills a good 15 minutes of drama. Let me tell you. The parents of one of the girls came to the house and got pissed at her for being on the show. She hadn't told her parents or something. We were all so curious as to what was going on, also so concerned. 

After that ended, we had ANOTHER challenge. Tyra stood before us and said, "I have papers in my hand... and pencils. When i tell you to start, you will run up here. Get a paper and pencil, and write who you think is going to win Americas Next.. Top... Model." So we all did and i was towards the end of the line and nobody said my name and then this one guy was like. "Now, I voted for this person, because of how i treated him at the beginning of this competition... The twilight kid." And everybody clapped, it was like i had won, but i only received one vote. But i remember IN MY DREAM I THOUGHT THIS Its ok that i only have one vote because its best to remain under the radar until the very end and then you just WIN! So then the episode ended and it showed clips from next week. It showed the girl getting yelled at by her dad and she responded by saying, NO! GAVIN LIED TO YOU! THATS NOT TRUE! haha it even wrote it in sub titles like they do sometimes. Well. yeah. that was my dream. hahaha

Perks.

I don't know how to do this. You know how i talked about how I am going to talk about the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Yeah I don't know if I'm capable of doing that task like, properly. Or even well. But here it goes.

Alright. To start off. Amazing book. To give you my general review of it. Its so real. The narrator of the book "Charlie" is such a unique and original character. He is so funny and innocent and just your favorite human in the world. He only wants the best for everyone and he just wants everything to be okay. 

"You know... a lot of kids at school hate their parents. Some of them got hit. And some of them got caught in the middle of wrong lives. Some of them were trophies for their parents to show the neighbors like ribbons or gold stars. And some of them just wanted to drink in peace."

The kid is a genius at 15. I normally don't like books where the kid you're supposed to relate to is so much more amazing then yourself. But you don't care because he is just so weird but just so great.

The book is basically letters written to someone. We don't know who they're to. He just needs someone to talk to, and he knows the person receiving them will listen.

I love how 'Charlie' analyzes everything and isn't afraid to behave how he feels. He wants people to like him, but if he acts just how he is in every social situation. And it works. He finds friends that love him and treat him great because of how he really is. He doesn't put on a show and try to impress. He is himself. Nobody else.

The writer of this book, Stephen Chbosky, is honestly amazing. He has charlie say such profound things but he puts it in the words of a crazy 15 year old.

This quote comes from while he is watching a football game with his friends.

"I look at the field, and i think about the boy who just made the touchdown. I think that these are the glory days for that boy, and this moment will just be another story someday because all the people who make touchdowns and home runs will become somebody's dad. And when his children look at his yearbook photograph, they will think that their dad was rugged and handsome and looked a lot happier than they are... I just hope I remember to tell my kids that they are as happy as I look in my old photographs. And I hope that they believe me."

Charlie has lost his aunt. He tells us that the loss of his aunt is the saddest thing to have ever happened to him and his family. He is constantly worried about his sister and always wants to help out his family. His worry and panic is rooted to something he cant quite figure out. He over analyzes his whole life.

"Its kind of like when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say your name. And it gets to a point where none of it seems real. Well, sometimes, I can do that, but I don't need an hour in front of a mirror. It happens very fast, and things start to slip away. And I just open my eyes, and I see nothing. And then I start to breathe really hard trying to see something, but I cant. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it scares me."

I love this quote because as lame as it sounds. This is exactly me. Back when i was 16-17 at least.

The thing I loved so much about this book is how it taught me how much I need to remember I love who I am and I need to focus so much on who I AM and not so much on how other perceive who I am. People will say things and do things and I'll react to them in ways that is expected of me. I don't want to be that person. I want to be and say the things I know and feel. That's why I love Charlie. He is the perfect example of keeping true to yourself. He knows who he is, and even though he may be on a quest to figure his life out and make the best of it, he never strays from himself... I hope that makes sense.

"I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then makes the choice to share it with other people. Maybe that is what makes people "participate." I'm not really certain. Because I don't know if I would mind living for Sam for a while. Then again, she wouldn't want me to, so maybe its a lot friendlier than all that. I hope so anyway."

He falls in love with a girl named Sam in the book. Charlie is a sensitive guy and he has never had any experiences with girls and he's just hilariously awkward about it all. You just have to read it, but he's just a good kid haha. 

Andddd another reason we love Charlie is because of this.

"I didn't feel like reading that night, so I went downstairs and watched a half-hour-long commercial that advertised an exercise machine. They kept flashing a 1-800 number, so I called it. The woman who picked up the other end of the phone was named Michelle. And i told Michelle that I was a kid and did not need an exercise machine, but I hoped she was having a good night... That's when Michelle hung up on me. And I didn't mind a bit."

Haaaaa oh man. 

I think I've quoted and talked enough for you to all get that you have no idea what the book is completely about, but you DO know that i loved this book so much. I know that books are supposed to make you feel connected with the story or the characters. But I honestly just connected with Charlie on so many levels that it killed me. I cried at the end of this book. The ONLY other time I've cried while reading is when i read my favorite book Maybe. (every single time i read it i cry. Its ridiculous)

Anyways. I don't know. Its really late, I'm really tired, I don't think i did this critique justice. I love this book. All i was trying to get across. ALSO there is a poem in this book that is crazy good, but depressing, so ill save it for later for an emo post hahahaha wink.

"I think that the only perspective is to really be there... Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them."

Cant think.

I had such a great purpose about what i was going to blog about tonight.

I got in my car and i was sitting there thinking about life and crap and I really got the best idea of what to hurry and blog about tonight so i wouldnt forget it. And i got home, facebooked, and forgot what i was going to talk about. Universe. Geez

Im sick again though, I just barely got over strep and its pissing me off. I take vitamins regularly and this happens! Jonas Brothers are retarded. Are Kristen Stuart and Rob Pattinson really engaged? If they are i think its fake and if its not fake i think theyre retarded and if theyre not retarded then i think them getting married is retarded.

I'm writing again, and it makes me happy, so thats new. AWKERHNWERK WHY CANT I REMEMBER WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT!

Freaking, ill try to think of it while im at school tomorrow.

My next entry will be about the book i last read. INNN DEPTTHH! dun dun dun. it was easily my second favorite book of all time.

What theeeee.

Bit my thumbnail off. Its september. What exactly do I have to show for myself now? Alright. Ok. Yeah i need to start some mini projects. I need to take more pictures, buy a new computer, organize my room, i dont know. I should just be more productive and actually do things that I want to be doing. I was just SO self disciplined a year ago and now I'm falling apart.

Someone help.

I guess I just need to get like. Habitual again. Hahaha I used to not like saying habitual because it sounds like the word bi*** is in it. Same with Obituaries. haha

Well yeah. Im almost done with this small video project thing that I did. I dont know how I could ever make it 100% done because there's just so much i could do with it but its just crazy. I dont know. I hope it turns out in the end and I hope i force myself to just spend a day with it. Ill post it on here if it will fit. The file is like 15 GB right now. Freaking

Well yeah. I need to just be more productive. I need to be more cool. Im going to give a shout out to my friend Drew who should blog more. I love her blog more than anything. I cant remember what her blog is so just look for her in my followers list. Shes so funny, so smart, and i want to be cool like her.

Youre cool. Rock it, try it, be it.

Here we are thumbnail.

Its going to happen. I haven't decided when. But I know I'm going to do it. The small spot on my thumbnail is going to be bitten off soon. Dont make fun of me because I know you really want to. But I really am hesitant to bite it off.

Its lame but I've always been extremely sentimental about... everything. I don't like throwing things away that remind me of good times or good things or good people. This little dot. Saw. It. All. hahahahahahahaha this is so WEIRD!

Here is the picture. You can see the dot along the white crest of the tip of my thumbnail. The little dark dot.

Isnt it just great? I know.

Well I guess I'll do it like, September First. Thats a pretty good day to do it I think. Because a part of my summer was during August and so if its September its all separated. Yeah yeah. Good thinking. 

Well, this weekend was amazing. Thank you everyone who helped make it amazing. I love my friends. 

Have a great day, and dont make fun of my fingernail sentiments.

My Right Thumb Nail

I bite my nails. Missy says I sometimes bite my nails so low if a camera took a picture of just my hands, people would identify them as frodo baggins hands. Its probably true. Anyways.

I would say.... mid May. I wanted to open my bathroom window. I was standing on the edge of the tub trying to find proper leverage to open the window. It wouldnt budge, so I positioned my right hand on the edge of the sliding side of the window, and used my left hand to pull from the closed end..(i hope that makes sense) I gave it a tug and IT WORKED! only the force smashed my right hand into the wall. My right thumb got the worst of it. Right at the cuticle, it began to bleed.

"Uh... my nail is going to fall off. Im not going to have a thumb in New Jersey. Brian is going to think i did this on purpose. Or i have some disease that effects only my thumb." 

I got over it.

It stopped bleeding and pulsating and moved on.

It started healing like a week before i left to new jersey. It had one of those like nail bruises where its white you know? but it also had like, blood underneath the nail. It looked weird, but my thumb was securely on my thumb.

"Cool." 

I went through the whole summer with this thumb nail. Looking at the blood and the white spot gradually moving its way towards the top of the nail. It was like an infected friend. Always there to look at me when i looked at it.

Right now. Im sitting here typing with only my computer light, and I've stopped to look at this one tiny dark dot left at the very tip of the thumb nail. One last drop of gross dried blood that has seen every day of this summer.

Its ready to be bitten off. I could do it right now. It's on like an edge, you know where its like, pointing a little bit and when you rub your index finger on it its just like, uh that shouldnt be there. But I havent yet.

This thumb nail and I have done a lot this summer! This summer was honestly probably the most memorable summer of my life so far. Thats not even a joke people.

So. Much. Happened. Its insane how much you do not even know happened.

But it was amazing. So many great memories and times and man. It was such a great summer.

AND THE ONLY PHYSICAL ATTACHMENT LEFT IS THIS LITTLE DOT ON MY THUMB! 

Sure. Pictures and such, those help, maybe write a few things down in my Journal or something. But this dot saw it all. And soon I'm going to just bite it off. 

I guess its ready. I mean its probably waiting to join all the other bits of gross blood and white dots. It misses them Im sure.... they all end up in the same place right?...they better.

Maybe I'll take a picture tomorrow before its finished. Just to document my little gross bloody friend.

I guess my other fingernails feel bad that im like leaving them out. I guess the very tips of all of my fingers have seen the exact same things as the gross little blood dot. None of them have marks though so how can i be sure... Do all fingernails grow at the exact same rate? I dont know if they do because im always biting one fingernail one day, then a different one a different day....Wow who freaking knows. 

Anyways, this one is to you little gross dot of blood. You had a great summer. You saw it all. You kept quiet, and you kept it to yourself. 

hahaha

Whaaaaa?!?!

Yeah. I lied I guess. I'm too lazy to make a new blog right now, so I'm posting something new here! 

I just got back from Florida with Missy and Allie. It was such a good trip Bryant was super nice and treated us like we were like, french poodles. Seriously he was a way good host. He always made sure we were comfortable and always kept us entertained. So thank you Bryant, and I'm sorry I lost your glasses. Ill post some of my favorite pictures here later.

We hit up every theme park for FREE. yeah. and bryant made me go up and dance at every single one of his parades... freaking. I had to make an elephant noise and failed. It was just a good time. Even though we could have died from heat every day. Thank you allie and missy for letting me come.

Well. I love everyone. I love Missy, and Allie and Bryant for giving me an awesome past six days. And i love Cyd and Anna for being the greatest.

Hm..

Well. Im thinking this is my last post on this blog for a while. I'm having trouble coming to terms with a lot of things and like, feeling peaceful about the way my life is. I feel like I cant stop myself from struggling. The last time i felt like, completely OK with my life was.... the second week in june. Hahaha. wow. thats extreeeemely pathetic that I actually know that. Hmm. Its weird to think about.. I remember exactly like, exactly how my life was at that time, and there is NOTHING different about my life right now than it was then. I mean things have changed. But on a personal level. Nothing.. for me has changed... 

It destroys me how I cant do things on my own. I have to complain on this blog even.. Things that I dont even fully understand. Things, i cant even talk about with anyone.

I hate blogspot

Uh. update on my life i guess.

Im getting my hair cut short on tuesday, I just got back from Idaho with my family and that was fun, and im going to Florida on thursday. hoorayyyy

Well.. I guess ill start the process of making a new blog soon. Get ready to view emo on a whole new level. 

I hope life is good for you guys.

Yup. New blog happening.

I have to start a new blog. Too many things. I love you mom hahaha. 

I think ill keep blogging on this though. Put some stuff of every once in a while. This blog has practically been a journal to me.

Ill tell the people i want to know about my new blog the new url. But yeah, it will probably happen by the time i get home from idaho this friday or saturday.

I loved spending tonight with my family. When i got home though... its interesting how drama... will not leave me. I thought tonight was perfect until i got home tonight. It totally flipped 180.

man.

Well. Pioneer Day.

I'm not consistent at all anymore.

I'm still struggling with dumb stuff. But Pioneer day was today hooray.

Cyd let me spend it with her and I was happy. We went to the parade and went to the park and watched gospel singers sing about Church things and such. We cheered and sang along. 

Then i drove back home and showered and then drove back to cyds. Then we watched tv with Kate and then got cotton candy and wingers and then i drove back to my apartment and tried to fall asleep while cyd worked.

Then i came back at 8 and we met up with Drew Kate Annie and Duncan and we watched the fireworks and fought each other and hurt each other. Then people bled and we got cheese cake and del taco and went back to my apartment. They attacked everything and tore up magazines and i just was like whaaaatttt. 

Now im home. it was a fun night. I really liked it.

Cleannn

Cleaned my apartment. I think I might get a new blog, I feel way too monitored on this blog haha. No offense mother.

I WILL

I am going to get a job, im going to start waking up early, im going to register for classes. I am going to do it and i will have THEM ALL DONE by the time school starts. EVEN IF I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MAGLEBYS I WILL HAVE A JOB BY SEPTEMBER!!!!

Well here is the other thing. I am working on a miniature project to keep me occupied. Its every single picture i can compile that i have taken over the past 3 years put into a video that is 10 minutes. It sounds like, boring, but it really does make your brain like, dissolve. I need to dig up more pictures and then im going to organize them and stuff and it should be cool! 

I just have to start becoming more productive. Going to the pool every day and sleeping in until 10 or 11 is getting sick.

It's Back

Well not many of you gave me feedback as to what I can do to improve my blog, so I'm just going to have to get better at it all alone.

Today started out pretty rough. YAY EMO GAVIN IS BACK IN THE GAME! It just sucks. But its ok. Everything works out and in the end, I'm happy about it.... -- that makes zero sense to everyone.

-Mom, dont freak out that I'm saying this and don't get mad at me!-

Its hard for me to really get out everything that I want to via this blog, because my mom reads every single one. But we're just going to pretend that she isn't here right now.

Very few people know this, but its been long enough that its ok i guess, I don't think ill be judged too much. I see a therapist once a week. Ever since early April. I decided to get a therapist all on my own, I wasn't forced or asked to get one, it was a decision I made for me. In my opinion, therapy helps. I feel... insane at times knowing i see a therapist once a week, but at the same time, I feel like she helps. There's some stuff going on in my life that my parents need the professional view of...relating to my life. HA I'm struggling to make sense tonight. But they are meeting with them next week sometime and hopefully some things are cleared up to them. I hate that they have to worry about me, and I hate how psycologically --it says I spelled that wrong-- screwed up I am. I cant fix myself and I don't know why. DONT FREAK OUT MOM I REALLY AM NOT LIKE MANICALLY DEPRESSED OR ANYTHING! It probably looks like it, but I'm not. Im just waiting for my brain to fix.

I should probably blog more. I like it.

Two Freaking Birds.

These are ALL the pictures taken on my New Jersey trip. Also, the music being played is the wonderful song you've all been hearing about created by Brian and I.

Its probably boring, so uh. yeah.

Very Sorry

Im sorry i get all mysteriously annoyingly emo on this all the time. I have freaking followers now and I feel like people are going to stop following if i dont get interesting really quick. I know i promised pictures in this post but im too tired.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who made my day great today. You all know who you are. Im going through some rough stuff. And you all made me forget about it all day. So thank you.

To pay you back. my next post is going to be full of happiness and goodness and fun happy good things. Now. I dont know who REALLY reads this blog. But if you read this, could you leave me a comment telling me how i can improve my blog. Things that bore you that i write, things that you like. I just want to get better at this. 

Thanks again for the good day my friends. You really are so important to me and its days like this that I will never take you for granted.

Gah

Today was tough. So much just. Ah.

Pictures from my trip tomorrow. 

DAY 13! END OF TRIP!

IM HOME! I have made it home. I had a good day of traveling and i just made it home and life is just good today for right now and its good.

Alright today, went like THIS! Last time ill say that!

Woke up

Went to breakfast

Went swimming

Packed

Left

Said goodbye to Fergusons

Flew home

Got picked up by anna and cyd and i love them for it

Went to Gateway, almost ate there, then ate at Olive Garden. It was good. 

Went back to apt. and sat and watched John and Kate Plus 8 while cyd and anna admired Gwen Stefani.

They left

I unpacked. 

Glad to be home.

PICTURES NEXT TIME!

Day 12

Last full day of my trip!!!! Going home tomorrow. Freak. Yes.

Today was wedding day, full of weddinness and all sorts of stuff. Im going to be transitioning into emo things this post so be prepared.

Went to the temple, i played with Devyn

Died in the heat and took some pics

Went to the pool, swam. took some pictures.

Went to dinner

Went to the reception

Ran around with michelle.

Came home

Alright. Today just was bad. This whole trip ive been able to avoid those anoying emotions that hurt and stuff and ive been happy about it. But today, they all started resurfacing. This next month, probably the next two, are going to be rough. Man. I really am scared. I dont know whats going to happen really. Its going to be crazy. So get ready for this "once emo" blog to become straight up emo again.

Day 11

Eleven days, 5 states. Its been a long vacation. 

I guess im in Phoenix right now. I like it here, but even at night. its 12:45 and its like, too hot. Its so warm that you dont feel comfortable being out there. That is when i do not approve. Tomorrow is the temple and im going to be outside in a black church shirt... Today was good. for the eleventh boring time. Here is how my day went.

Woke up and went straight to IHOP

Got on the road to Phoenix

Got in an argument about government with my brother and how he is convinced that we are headed for the worst future of our lives and if every single american doesnt start forming a revolution we will be overrun by our government and we will be living in boxes after the government bombs all of America's major cities......

Listened to music

Texted lots.

Got to Phoenix and said hi to my grandparents. My grandpa had to put his dog Happy down today. He may have loved that dog more than he loves my grandma (funny joke) (but seriously) it was 15 years old and he was just....he wasnt very happy anymore. HA! pun. But yeah he needed to die. But it was sad to not have him around at the house.

Brothers went swimming, i went to the hospital with Reagan and my Mom. It looks like a viral infection! wahoo! but she'll be fine, and so will everyone she has come in contact with over the last 3 days.

Then we ate Pizza. 

I got to play piano!

We went to Transformers 2. I liked it fine, but i dont think ill pay to see it again.

And that. is. it. ALMOST HOME!

Day 10

I dont care that these titles are boring. Ive started a cycle and im going to finish it.

We woke up early today. 8:30. got to sea world at 10

Did. Everything. There.

We went to all the like, show things that they have.

Ate food.

Took pictures.

Saw all the fish.

Stuck my hand up a freaking stink rays mouth.

Rode the rides.

Played with Siblings.

Played with Nieces.

Got wet.

Was happy.

Got hyper.

Danced.

Ran.

Played games.

Went home at 9:30

Talked to my sister.

And here I am. Today was one of the most eventful days and yet i have no major stories. I find that weird. Ill post pictures though all when i get home. yay for home.

Day 9

First full day in San Diego. I got, so much sleep. I needed it. I would not have made it through the day. Reagan wasnt feeling well so we slept in for a while. I got in a full 12 hours. ha

So today wasnt too eventful

We got up, got dressed and ready and stuff.

Watched some tv and hung out at the hotel until 3

Went to the Beach for an hour, i was not in agreement with such a short visit. I got some alright pictures though. I liked Jersey's beach more.

Then we went to dinner at this small outdoor restaurant. It was nice and dang good. I have this thing where if there is Chicken Marsala on the menu at a restaurant im not familiar with, ill order it. Just so i can compare it to the Chicken Marsala at Magleby's which is one of my all time favorite meals. ha

Thennn, we just came home and watched So You Think You Can Dance. I missed last weeks and im pissed about it. Tonights only had like 3 cool dances. Lame. But at least i didnt miss it.

Reagan has some sort of rash and shes at the hospital, so i guess ill get ready for bed and then go to it. See ya.

I DID NOT GO TO MCDONALDS TODAY!

Day 8

Longest. Day.

I really have never known a day like this to exist. Like i feel like i have not slept for like 5 days. I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but i really feel like that exactly.

Me and Brian woke up at 5 this morning (that is 2 in the morning in san diego remember)

Got to the airport at 7. We accidentally had to drive through brooklyn, but i was ok with it because i think its creepy and crazy haha.

Said goodbye to Brian. It really was pretty sad. I really do consider him one of my best friends and this last week has been one of my all time favorite weeks of my life. Thats not a joke. Such a good experience. Me and brian plan to meet up at least one more time before my mission, so its cool.

Chilled in the airport. Ok so i wasnt seriously considering upgrading to first class, but i thought id ask to see how much it would cost, the mexican lady looks at my ticket, and literally tosses it back to me and said, you cant upgrade. Freaking i laughed at her and walked away but i was weirded out. Then i was just like chillin at the terminal, and a BIRD LANDED NEXT TO ME! I really have never believed more that i was hallucinating. I was out of it.

Got on the plane, sat next to freaking russians, which was cool until the one that sat next to me had baaad BO. I could NOT sleep. I dont know why. But i just sat and watched Benjamin Button then played this FREAKING TRIVIA GAME THATS RIDICULOUS! OK! BUT LISTEN TO WHAT I LEARNED THATS HILARIOUS! Guess who invented the thermometer.....GUESSES?! ok hurry and guess..... it was Professor Allbutt HAHAHAHAHA ALLBUTT! HAHAHAHAHA BECAUSE THEY USED TO GO IN YOUR BUTT! HAHAHA oh my freak. that was probably too far. But i really would have loled if i found that out in front of people.

Landed at 11:30 in San Diego. DO YOU GET THAT! I TOOK OFF AT 8:30 AN IT WAS A 6 HOUR FLIGHT! Time stood still. I do not approve. 

Got McDonalds. Ha.

My family wasnt going to get in until 1 so i just like, had to sit by baggage claim. (IS THAT REALLY HOW BAGGAGE IS SPELT! It looks freaking weird)

Met up, got our rental cars, drove to the San Diego zoo IMMEDIATELY! So freaking hard to stay in a positive mood.

So we stayed at the zoo till six because thats when it closed. Then we went to our hotel to just kind of unload.

SAW A DRUG DEAL GO DOWN! OK this is what happened. This like, dude walked by us while we were waiting outside the Hard Rock and you could tell he was messed up on drugs from the way he walked and it was creepy. So he crosses the street to where this homeless guy is, says some stuff to him, then the HOMELESS guy hands a bunch of bills to the man, and then the man gave the homeless guy something. Then the homeless guy shoved it down his throat. So messed up.

Then we went to dinner at Hard Rock. Ordered this macarroni thing. It was good. I ate almost all of it.

Thennnnnn we checked out the hotel. Its supposed to be like super trendy and like chill and hip. It kind of is, but ive seen cooler. 

And then we watched TV with Devyn, she is my freaking favorite, and put her to bed. 

Now im watching TV with reagan looking forward to sleep. This day. Was a million years. So excited to go home on Sunday. 

Love you all to freaking death.

Day 7

Well today was my last day in Jersey. it has been a full trip. Im ready to move on with this crazy vacation, but i will miss it here. It really was one of my most favorite trips of all time. Today was simple, but fun and it was good too.

Woke up pretty late. We planned on staying up all night and leaving to the airport at 5. did not work out. So we slept in until like 12:30. 

We watched tv a bit, then head out to the Jersey Shore. I feel so freaking cool saying I chilled at the Jersey Shore haha. But yeah.

We first walked the pier. Walked around.

Rode two rides, they were alright.

Walked along the beach for like an hour, the bad weather kind of sucked, but it looked nice and wasnt too bad. 

Just kind of laid by the beach for an hour, it was dang relaxing.

Went to dinner at this Diner called Cool Beans. hahaha Hot Rod flashbacks. Karaoke was playing there and drunk people were rocking out, it was good. I ordered a hamburger, and was pleased.

Then we drove home.

Finished our song. Our "Band" is called Ink Linked hahahaha and the song we wrote is "We Both" He'res the link, ill try to post the song on my blog if i can figure it out.

www.myspace.com/inklinked

Then we set up the myspace and stuff and then got McDonalds again hahaha

It was such a dang good trip. Day 8 is going to be the longest freaking day of my life. Lets hope i survive. 

Day 6

I should probably start making the titles of these a little more interesting because i dont know what would prompt people to read these if they were just one of a bunch of numbers.

Well today was dramatic. We could not decide what we were going to do. It was fathers day right, Brians dad texted him and wanted to see if he wanted to go to dinner with his wife and brother and sisters. So we were like. Ok, is New York worth it...ive been there before, like, fathers day. id feel awful, so it was just a huge dilemma. But it all worked out. This is how today went.

We woke up at 9 so we could go to church.

Church started at 10 it ended at 11:20. I felt bad for Brian, but he enjoyed it. He said it was like his church and he really didnt mind it.

We came back, and had to make the fateful decision as to how the rest of the day would play out. We decided to stay at home and go to the mall and go to dinner for Fathers Day. I was happy with the decision.

We went to the mall, i bought some stuff, it was good.

After we went to the mall we watched some Mythbuster Marathon ha.

Then we went to dinner at this french place. It was super good, i ate spinnich, and i liked it.

THEN we drove home, started working on this song we wrote. sat there and FINISHED it. Dude. its dang good. We're going to polish it up a bit tomorrow, but man. Its super good. You better be proud of me even if you dont like it once its posted on here.

We got some McDonalds to celebrate. 

I went on a small walk, came to a clearing, hundreds of fire flies and like a monster freaking like ran into the forest, for real. It was probably a deer, but it felt like a freaking monster. it was fast, and huge. Anyways, fire flies. my life needs to be on a fire fly farm.

Now we're just sitting here, watching Jackass. Good day, I'm happy with it.

Day 5

Fireflies. My life is complete. I did this one thing on facebook like in December and one of my 25 things was that one of my biggest goals was to write a song so i could put it on Myspace. Its not done yet, but me and Brian are about half way done with a dang good song. I really think its legitimately good. But we did a cover to White Horse by Taylor Swift and its super good. Alright anyways. Here is what was done today.

Woke up from the kitchen construction people again. Wasnt too awful. It was pouring so we had already planned on today being a chill day anyways, so it worked nicely.

Brians mom offered to take us out to Lunch. Shes a way nice person and a good mom. We went to this like, Thai/French restaurant. It was surprisingly good. 

After that we came home and did the cover of White Horse.

Then we went to see Year One. It was alright. I dont think id pay to see it again. I laughed out loud a couple times though.

Then we went to this Chinese Buffet called East Star. Best chinese buffet ive ever been too. Craziest asians worked there. But i love em. My fortune said exactly this, "You will be fortunate in everything you do." Yeah. Thats right.

Then we went back home and worked on our own song. be ready to hear it guys.

Then we went to the place to see fire flies. Its down all these residential areas and then theres a small clearing that goes into the forest until you make it to this little bridge over a small creek. it was super cool. The night was so foggy and like, man i wish my camera would cooperate because it all looked amazing. I loved the weather today. It looked so good for everything. Yeah, so we each caught a fire fly and smashed it and smeared it on our arms so it could glow! i wished i could catch tons and make a lamp out of them, but not many were out. It was totally the high light of my night.

Then we got McDonalds. It was good. I was happy.

Another successful day. Dang happy.

Day 4

Four days so far. I'm adjusting to this life over here so well. I honestly love, the freaking, crap out of it here. Its like quaint, but not. The landscape. freaking i could go on walks for hours at a time. Its so green and if i didnt know where i was, id think i was in washington. Its been overcast and drizzly ever since ive been here, but i dont mind at all. 

Ok. So TODAY went like this.

Could not sleep. Brians kitchen is being re-done and they get here at like 8 or 9 and they are dang loud. So we lost sleep and were both pretty kack'd the whole day.

We got some lunch at this sandwich place. Id say its equivalent to Sensuous Sandwich. It was dang good though. 

Then we went to this place called white rock. You walk down this trail for a while (Which is an effing JUNGLE) then you get to this lookout point with this big white rock with this graffiti on it. Brian told me the story of it, apparently, the widdow of a farmer killed herself off of it because she was so upset about her husbands death in the war or something. Spoookyyyy. Then you walk down the trail more and theres a huuuge man-made water fall that you can walk out on. Took some pictures. Its awesome. So awesome.

Then we came home, finished our sandwiches, talked to brians sister, then left to the concert.

Got to the concert, waited in line to get in, listened to the most annoying girls in the world complain and talk to each other. Then got our seats. We were on the lawn, but were front row up against the fence. It worked out well because it was a better view than a lot of the seats closer.

The concert, was so good. SO good. Jack's Mannequin was first and played about 4 songs from their first CD and 3 from their newest. They even played a Something Corporate song. I was pleased indeed. The Fray.... i was soo impressed. I didnt expect them to be as amazing as they were. The dude, the singer. Dang good performer and his voice is awesome live. Performance wise, they took the cake. But Jack's still wins the more favored award.

Then we just drove home and got McDonalds. Pretty tired. Going to bed. It was, yet again, another good day.

Day 3.

Alrighty. Im falling in love with life over here. Its great because life is good, but it sucks because I'll have to leave soon, and im not looking forward to that.

So we slept in a little bit today because we stayed up late last night. But after we were ready we started working on a cover of a The Scene Aesthetic song. After we got frustrated, we started working on our own song. Brian does all the creating, I just do as he tells me haha.

Then we drove to eat, we ate at this place called Chipotle. Its kind of like Costa Vida/Cafe Rio combined. It was dang good.

Drove to Shannon's (Brians Girlfriend) graduation and watched it all go down. It wasnt too bad, we played games on our phones.

Then we went to dinner with Shannon and her mom. Appleby's. It was good. I liked it.

THEN we drove to Shannon's aunts house who had all these reaaaallllyyy "friendly" old people. They really were super nice, just kind of crazy haha, hope shannon doesnt read this ever. As we were leaving, Shannon mentioned I was from Utah and they all went crazy about it. "OH ITS SO BEAUTIFUL THERE! I USED TO GO SKIING IN BRIGHTON WHEN I WAS YOUNGER! THE LAKES! THE MOUNTAINS! OH MY GOODNESS!" Hahaha it was funny. 

Then we went to the pier/boardwalk. It was like right at sunset and it was all foggy and rainy and man it was awesome. I got some pictures, not many decent ones, but i got some good ones of shannon and brian together. It was good, AND they have these things called Fried Oreos whre they like batter oreos and defry them and put powdered sugar on them. so good.

Dropped shannon off, drove home, rocked out to music, and watched Borat. Dang  good day. so freaking good. Hope yours was good.

Day 2.

Today was scheduled to be Six Flags day. My Utah brain called it Seven Peaks day the whole day. I had a Six Flags day though. The Intercoms all over the place were telling us to have a "Six Flags Day" I think they were trying to brainwash us into replacing the words "Fun"/"Great"/"Happy" with "Six Flags" from our brains.. 

It really was dang fun. New Jersey really is such a nice place. At least where I've been in this 50 mile radius. So many trees. I love how old the whole place is its just so freaking nice and I really do love it here. I could see myself living in a state like this growing up. For all of you who dont know by now, I will not raise a family in Utah haha.

So yeah, Six Flags. Went on all the rides, all the ones worth riding at least. Kingda Ka was shut down and we were pissed because Ive seen that ride on the Travel Channel. But we went on them all, waited in line for Superman for 2. hours. we learned our lesson and bought a Flash Pass. After that we didnt wait in a line for more than 15 minutes.

Brian set a goal for us. Talk to at least one girl each by the end of the day. Every single decent looking girl was either with a guy already, or with her parents. No luck. Brian got frustrated, but is determined to redeem himself at the beach this week. Hahaha Brians a dang good kid for all of you out there wondering. He's not a sexual predator, and hes not middle aged. Who knew?

As of right now, brians sitting on his bed playing guitar and im laying on a couch writing this. We're going to write, WRITE (He'll be doing the writing) a song, but we are also going to do a cover to a The Scene Aesthetic song. Im pumped, you all should be too, because im posting it.

Have a Six Flags day.