Third annual christmas blog

This is the first time I have written a blog on this computer. I always do it on my laptop but I mean why not do this here and now since I am right here, now.

I used to freak out about having a great christmas. I wanted the next one to always match the previous one. I wanted the Clayson's to always show up 45 minutes late to dinner. I wanted my dads scavenger hunt to always have weirder and weirder clues that lead to obvious areas of our house. Then I wanted us to all just sit there while Ed read the nativity story. I always cared a lot about christmas eve happening this way. Christmas was way too important to me I think. I wouldn't be upset if I didn't get what I wanted. I would be upset if traditions were messed with. So last Christmas was super weird because Logan was away at rehab so I already felt weird about that change. But this year, my parents got separated in February, divorced in May, my mom got re-married in December, and my dad is getting married in 20 days. So spending Christmas Eve without the Clayson's, and plus 5 people who I only met a month ago was just hard.

I'm not sure if you are one of the few that know but I have periods that last one or two days sometimes, I would say once every six weeks. I don't mean this in a literal physical experience, but emotionally... I don't bleed...

But these past two days. They were so long and it was so sad to just let go of something that I had to look forward too for 18 years. Honestly we have done the exact same traditions for that long. and my dad. I know he has Neva but it kills me. He sees what has happened to our family and he says its all for the best but I honestly feel like both of my parents wish they would have worked things out. It might be buried deep down inside of them but I have heard it. I heard my mom say out of her mouth the day before she started talking to Eric. "I would work things out if he tried hard enough." I don't know what my dad wasn't doing or what he WAS doing but I just know that my mom wishes we could have all just stayed happy but maybe nothing would have changed. I really don't know and I guess we cant know and you can never know someone else's love for another. I need my parents to remember that one day so all I can do is wish them luck and be happy for them both no matter how hard this is for US because I don't know how they are or what they are thinking. It's probably hard for them too on another level that I just can't understand. Anyway, my dad was just so great last night. He still did the scavenger hunt for it down at his condo in AF and it was still so great with his weird poems and he still did his best to show as much normalcy as he could even though he wasn't feeling well and he probably needed to rest. He's just trying so hard not to lose us and it breaks my heart because he knows that we are all at my mom's 90% of the time. I'm just glad he at least has Neva this Christmas. That would have been so much harder without her there to take care of him.

I know next year will be better. and all the ones following it. I just needed these two days to end and I just need to wake up and breathe tomorrow because my period is over and these tears are happening now so they don't happen over something stupid later.

I know things could be worse and harder, I need to keep reminding myself of that. Hayden's girlfriend... freaking. her dad died six months ago from brain cancer and her little sister died three months ago in a car accident. It's seriously JUST her and her mom at home and I can't even imagine how these two days must have been. I need to put things like this into perspective because I can handle these things and I can turn them around into a brighter picture. I know that I am capable of doing so and if Marnie could smile all day today with my family and step siblings while remembering what she would have been doing if those things didn't happen to her this year then I can get over my desire to keep things the same and realize that christmas can keep its meaning but be celebrated a different way.

I just know that I needed to have what I have in order to have made it through this Christmas. I'm so lucky and grateful.

Longest rant. Needed it all out. Sorry.

I hope you had a good christmas!

Tons of time.

It has almost been a year and I'm so happy about it.

This year has just been super pivotal for me. I've experience so many things that needed to happen in my life and I'm so lucky to have had this year go the way that it did. It makes every single hard time that I had from 16 on, worth it. I don't even dwell on it because I know that everything is alright and no matter what it will be alright. Every worry, fear and sorrow I ever felt managed to make me be the way that I am which enabled me to have what I have.

This Christmas will be one of the best I've ever had because I finally have what I've always wanted.

Whoa hey.

Well, hey. I feel like it has been a long time. It has, but I think it feels longer than it really has been. I don't have the most interesting things to say to all 33 of you. I still don't understand why you follow me, and I'm 72% sure that only 3 people really read this blog so I'm just getting mixed signals.

I have 20 more days to crack down and completely decide on christmas presents. I'm doing a good job so far and I'm just trying my hardest to not buy every single one of my friends things from Bath and Body Works. But I mean it might happen... Most of my friends are hard to shop for. Especially when you've bought them wolf and cat things every birthday and christmas for the last three years. Branching out this year.

My mom gets married in 5 days! Everyone is freaking out. For some reason it doesn't feel like the most real thing to ever happen to us, so I'm just like, alright sure sounds like a fine thing. I'm really okay with it. I'm just having a hard time opening up to the family because for some reason I don't feel like taking on the roll of an older brother to anyone else. I still am doing a lot to keep my relationship with Hayden healthy. He has a new girlfriend and she's so funny, I really like her.

Well I'm still happy. Its been a long streak of happiness that this blog has experienced! I'm just very content and I couldn't ask for more than what I have because what I have is beyond what I thought possible for me. I'm lucky to have felt this way for so long because life was hard for me a lot, no denying, its straight up on this blog for everyone to see.

I want anna to start a youtube channel. She does the weirdest things at 3 am and I just feel like if she recorded what she was doing then she would get famous and get paid to do it. You've always wanted a second job anna! This could be perfect! We really wanted missy to do one. Missy the Intern. She was going to go around from intern job to intern job getting fired from everyone because she's super messed up. You had to have seen the original but it got deleted and the day that happened my heart hurt a lot.

This is boring. Rapping it up. I miss Kelsea Lynn Park. I really do but I'm not crying anymore. I will have 5 new step-family members in 5 days so thats a thing. I want you to draw me a picture for christmas. El fin.

Drew... lets go see movies. We suck at doing that.

Third worst wave.

It happened. Today happened and it was much more awful than I had thought it would be. Saying goodbye to Kelsea was the hardest thing I have dealt with for so long and I don't think people really understand why it was so hard because this past year I haven't hung out with her very much, or, as much as I did at the beginning of our friendship.

Me and four others met up at Kelsea's house tonight to say our goodbyes. We were all very normal and casual for the first hour like we were just all hanging out. I actually thought maybe I wouldn't cry because I was feeling very okay with it, but then she got us together to say goodbye and Kendel went first and then it was all down hill from there. I hugged her for so long and cried so much and I think I tried to say a few words but I don't think it worked out very well. Then it was over and we were gone. It was just so definite and just hard! askdfhsa worst. So the night carried on and luckily I have more amazing loved ones to help me out during times like this and I'm so thankful for them, but while I was driving, I got a phone call and it was kelsea. I was not prepared for it because when I answered I was already crying. I contemplated not answering but I thought that would be too ironic because I suck at answering her calls more than anyone else and if I had ignored the last phone call that I would get from her in 18 months that would be pretty awful of me haha

Anyways, we talked, and I got more of my feelings out but I still could never stop crying. I hope I got out what I needed to say because I really do value what I have and had with her so much and having her gone will be so sad for me but its not over and she's not dying. I know I will see her again but nobody else is ever allowed to leave me or I will just not be able to handle it.

I love the crap out of you Kelsea. Don't make me write anymore depressing blogs about you please... and be safe in San Diego. 18 months.

Kelsea round two.

The second wave of three hit today in the goodbye of KLP. Tonight was the last night I got to hang out with just me and her alone. I haven't been thinking about it up until tonight so I was very able to remain very calm the whole time haha

Me and her have a shoe tree. Stupid idiots keep taking them down but we keep throwing them back up. We write little notes on the shoes then get them as high as we can. This time we brought ten pairs of shoes so that brings the total to 14 pairs of shoes up there. It looks really cool and I'm happy about it. This has just been something we've been doing for the last couple of years and Its just been a special thing for me, and I'm happy we have it. After that we went to Kendels house and played mario. Kelseas favorite. We are all sooo freaking good.

Then kelsea and I drove home and listened to our old favorite songs together and just freaking went crazy and somewhere during those songs I finally realized it really was our last night doing it. I just had to keep my cool for 10 more minutes until the drive was over and we stopped screaming the music at the top of our lungs. Then she gave me a present, a journal she customized for me and I love it. She wrote me a note in it that I refused to read until she was not in the car because I plan on crying in front of her one time only which will be tomorrow night at 7.

Kelsea is just such a good friend and I will miss her. This crying for sure needs to end because I need to go to freaking sleep. Not excited for the final wave tomorrow.

Help.

I'm cursed. I know I am.

Let me feed you a little bit of background. I'm nice to my cars. Every single one of them. My truck and Doris loved the crap out of me. I hit a car once with my truck but it didn't get hurt at all, so it clearly forgave me because the most trouble it ever gave me was that I needed to change the air filter once. Not a problem. Doris never EVER died. Got a flat once, but that was mikes fault ha.

And now Chase. We got him for a deal. He had two previous owners, both on leases, so its reasonable for them to treat him like crap because who cares. So when we found him for sale for 12,700 we were happy. His tires were old so we were like, I guess we can get new tires since we got him so cheap. that brought his value up to 13,000. Then we got his windows tinted and new headlights, so now we're up to 13,200. Then a month later, it starts going crazy. The electrical system would freak out if used for two long and then the car would just die altogether. We took it to SL to fix that one, 1,200 dollars. So now we're up to 14,400. Everything worked fine until about three months ago it got super squeeky in the tires so we thought he just needed new break pads. But no, it needed a whole bunch of crap because every 80,000 miles Volvo's are made to need these weird stupid new things. 1,000 more dollars. So I'm like, cool. My volvo ended up really costing us 15,400. but not really, it just seemed more crappy as time went by. Only a month passed until the Check Engine light came on. New Fuel Pump. 300 dollars. Math equals, 15,700. I just really hoped nothing would go wrong. Everything has been great since and it should all be good!

Today I was driving to Soren's house when things got bumpy and the tire just popped. I pulled over, tried to fix it on my own. Every single family member couldn't come to help me. Found out that I was AAA insured so they came. He told me that because of the alignment that it slowly messed up the inside part of my car and it just wore out and done. Went to the tire place, said I needed new tires all around which I say is bull, and is trying to get 500 dollars out of us to replace all four tires. I refuse. I still owe my dad 250$ I don't need to have put in over 16,000 dollars into my car that is barely worth 12,000 if I tried to sell it right now.

Anyways, I know this is long. But tonight, me and Lin's went to the gym and for some reason I just wanted fries really bad so we went to McDonalds and got me some and went and parked her car somewhere to eat them. We left the battery running for 15 minutes maybe then we tried to start the car again and done. Aliens. Noises and lights and everything was freaking out and then dead. No more functioning. We were stranded for two hours. Calling everyone and trying everything to fix it. AAA couldnt help, lindseys dad or brothers couldnt help, MISSY TRIED TO HELP THANK YOU MISSY and then finally Anna came and rescued us.

Two broken cars in 9 hours. Cursed. I'm just glad it wasn't my car that broke down. Even though I'm sad for Lin's.

For Sure

I can't stop saying for sure. I don't really want to or need to but its just a fine thing to say I think. But if it is overdone then please limit me a number per week or something.

I went to frightmares tonight at Lagoon and all I know is that life today was perfect. Things just were happy and I felt happy all day and you just have times in your life where you feel like there is nothing wrong and you're with the right people and you know that days like today happen for a reason. I will never forget today and I'm not sure many people would really even understand why if I told them.

I turn 21 in four months, so Drew don't worry your Gin is like coming and stuff.

I also decided that I want to move to California after I get my associates at the stupid UVU. I want to apply to a few art schools and get a degree in Photography. Not necessarily to make it my career but just so I have that to use if I ever want to. I just want to get good at photography. I feel like I'm just as good as my camera makes me seem. So yeah, California. My old plan was to move to Phoenix for a year, then move to Seattle for two and then go to graduate school up there once I gained residency, but life changes things and minds change too and I'm very content with the California idea.

School is going well this semester, even though I'm only in two and a half classes because of the stupid system. I have a B- in my English 2600 class and a B in my Biology class! If I can pass biology with a B then It will be worth the fact that this is the third time I've taken Biology. Next semester will be filled with 15 credits so wish me luck on a fork not going into my jugular.

Bath and Body Works is fine. I don't work there very often but I like the people and the human communication so far. Well the end. This was a long ANNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hi anna. Happy? did this make you happy? You didnt make me do this.

I cant keep thinking of new titles.

I don't know why I haven't been blogging lately. Things are happening. It's annoying to me how often I blog when things are wrong and how infrequent I am when things are good. I'm better at recognizing the good parts of life but I didn't realize that meant I'm worse at being expressive about it.

I'm taking my cousins wedding pictures. All of them. I have already done Engagements and I think we are doing bridals in two or three weeks and then I'm doing the actual wedding. So scared. I have never done a wedding and to be hired for all three of the sections of the memories. So scary. But the announcements will look good I think. I'm excited to see how they get put together for the actual invitation. I'm also taking family pictures for two families these next two months! I'm building my street cred. straight up. Good thing all of the money I will make will go towards my stupid Volvo for needing new brake pads.

I work at Lone Peak as a student teacher and starting this tuesday I will be a sales associate for the Bath and Body Works at the riverwoods! hoorayyyy. We'll see how much I like that. I really am liking Lone Peak though. Slow money but I really do enjoy it.

Life is just still good and happy. So good. Everyone is lucky guys. We all are pretty blessed when it comes down to it. Even if things don't seem like it, things are good and we are lucky.

Hi

Kate! You're gone now. For every blog I post I think it needs to be required of you to write one too.

I like driving home without music on every once in a while. Sometimes if I've had a good day the only way I can drive home is blasting some of my favorite music and it just concludes the day in a nice way. Even when its been a bad or a boring day, I blast music with the windows down to at least give me that happy ending. But! sometimes, on nights like tonight, I just want to drive home with the windows down and no music. If I'm alone in the car there will always be music on but I recently discovered that reflecting on everything that I experienced or felt that day, is the best way I could finish it. What I have is perfect. Every person in my life is what I need and what I have always wanted.

I just don't really like blogging very much because I get so repetitive and all my blogs become the same. But I am so lucky and so happy.

Kelsea

Kelsea. Don't worry, I'm positive another one of these will be coming in a month or so. I just had to do this because you forced me to feel these things today so here they are my friend.

I don't know if you know Kelsea Park whoever you are, but she is the real deal. She acts like she doesn't have it all figured out but she always does. She handles situations better than I ever could. She will be an amazing mother, Anna can attest to that. Busted knee-cap? Kelsea will say rude things about my pants while you scream in pain, holding your hand the whole time. She is such an amazing friend and is so able to juggle her complicated and difficult life so perfectly. She will underestimate herself until she is dead because she feels like she could always be doing better. I honestly envy that about her, she always has the will and drive to improve on something about her. She would drop anything for me if I had ever asked her to, I know a lot of people say they would do that, but I know its not completely true for all people. I just am thinking about it right now and I just cant believe how amazing of a friend she is. To everyone.

Kelsea got her mission call today, San Diego California. She started hugging everyone after she read it and I was sitting there after I got my hug and realized that I have never had someone so close to me serve a mission. It blew me away thinking about it. Out of all my cousins, any family member or friend that has gone, I've never had as amazing of a relationship as I have had with kelsea, and she's leaving for a year and a half to do the thing that I wish I could be so prepared to do. I have always been so thankful for her example to me and I love that I will be able to write her every week and have her be able to tell me all the awesome stories she will have to tell. She's one of the greatest living examples to me. I needed her a lot more than she needed me these last two and a half years. I am so happy that one day in English she thought it would be funny to ask a boy she had hardly said 5 words to, to a girls choice dance. That one choice easily changed who I am and I am so thankful she had the guts to form the friendship that I never thought would happen, and never would have happened had she not made Abbigaile Hulme write "Gavin, will you go to Spring Fling with Kelsea Park" I'm also glad I wasn't dumb enough to mess it up and was quick to walk to the front and write, "Yes"

I love you Kelsea Park, and I hate how sad I am about you leaving. I will hate it and it will be so hard for me to say goodbye to you because I cant lose you, and I want to still be here when you get home but I'm so scared that I wont be. But like I said, you know what you're doing, and everything works out. It just does, and I will still love you even when you come home all weird and dorky and I'm off living in some stupid place that isn't Utah.

Thank you for noticing me, pulling me into your life, and for not letting me fade into the background.

Kate

I titled this Kate because I feel like this is something kate would blog. I don't mean this offensively because everyone has the right to blog and blog proudly ha. But I just felt like writing this out before writing what I got on here to write because this is what I feel, and I don't really think there is anything wrong with having hope and being so sure about something.

One month.

I'm Watching Friends.

I could not have asked for anything more than what I have right now. This is not one of those times of my life where I've had a perfect day or week and I need to blog about it to remind myself of that moment in the future. Life right now is what I've wanted for so long and it feels good to finally have found that feeling where everything fell into place the way I hoped it would. Life feels good when you get to feel the way you've wanted to feel for so long. Haha lot's of repetitive words.

Once.

Whenever I complain on this blog about something it's because I wish there was something different about my life and even if I'm not complaining about the thing that I wish was different i still just complain because I want something that I cant have and my way of dealing with it is to get it out here I guess. But right now there isn't anything in my life that I would change. I know it might not last forever but its good to know that moments like this happen. There are times in life where you know you have all that you need and I'm lucky to hit this point right now. I just needed to feel this way and its been a long time since I've thought that I really will be able to be happy for a long time because of what I have in life. I'm blessed to have the family that I have, and the people that I get to have with me. I want to remember how I feel today because I feel like life is perfect.

If I could write out...

Dreams are all of the sudden getting a big hype because of the movie Inception and I'm pissed because I was going to write this blog last week but I didn't think it would be necessary because I thought it would stop. So this isn't because I saw that movie. I saw it and liked it but my mind wasn't blown, so I'm fine.

People look too deeply into dreams sometimes. I think its good to remember them and try to figure them out but I really don't think dreams are telling us as much as people think they are. If they really are telling us things then I'm screwed because for the past two weeks I've woken up feeling the exact same way and I know its because of what was going on in my dream. It just messes with my real life subconscious thinking and I swear to all of you that for the first hour of me being awake, my brain is not thinking logically. I wake up depressed and upset at myself and believing that things that I want will never happen. The same thing. Last time I checked dreams were supposed to be the place where you find your friends so you can be together when you're apart.

Dreams used to be on my side. I would have dreams that I loved more than anything and reminded me of things and people that I knew I loved and wanted and WHY I loved and wanted them. I think they'll stop within the next week because I know that soon my life will swing back into balance and I wont have any reason to worry or doubt myself.

I just cant look too deeply into my current dream situation, because I know they're just struggling right now.

Really Though..

I really did used to be good at this. Well, I don't know if it was called 'good' but I swear even when I was blogging about depressing things at least it was drama that kept some people reading. I don't know why I suck at even keeping a cyber journal. This is a million times easier than writing in a journal because I always get on my computer at night and check my facebook and email and stuff so I don't even have a freaking excuse.

I know my goal was to finish the bulk of my room by the end of June but I have to tell you that I failed. I've failed at being very productive this past month actually. But I don't think I care because I really did work hard this past year, both semesters were busy for me and I'm okay with how lazy I've been.. for now. I just don't want anything to consume my time this month or next. I'm going to be plenty busy in the fall. Plus I got A-'s in both of the classes I took in London so I think a good summer is a nice reward. I just think I'm really good at rationalizing things in my head. If I convince myself that something is a good idea, then I'll go with it and I wont stop. So good thing I'm convinced that I don't need to be busy this summer. But I WILL finish my room this month.

Well I guess life is still happening, my laziness hasn't slowed that down. Even though these past 22 days have felt like an eternity. My parents are officially getting divorced. My mom filed about two weeks before I came home from London and it should be final within a month. So thats been tough. I really don't know how its been so easy on my family to adjust to it. I really don't understand it even because it came out of nowhere. It really hit our family so hard and so unexpectedly. My mom and dad have always been so affectionate with each other and I saw how much they loved each other and they have always been proof to me that love can exist for as long as you believe it can. I still believe in love, I haven't lost doubt in it or anything. I think I'm still just slowly realizing more and more how different life is going to be in 5 years. But we really are all doing okay and even Hayden is handling it well. I really do love that kid, he is a million times stronger and more mature than I ever could have tried to be at his age.

I just started feeling way weird and dizzy. Like I'm watching my hands type this right now and i feel like I'm watching it through a video camera. Whoa. This is seriously like happening live right now. As I type this. Freaking I feel like I'm going to pass out. Okay I think I'm fine now, but I think that was a warning that I need to sleep right now. Sorry this was long, and sorry if this was a boring journal blog.

Will not unpack.

I don't have a desire to unpack and organize anything. I just want to finish my room. I know I can get this done by the end of the month. I'm thinking if I print off 100 more pictures, buy some canvas, and this one really cool thing from Urban outfitters, I can slow down in the process of making my room my room. I have high hopes, but suggestions are still appreciated.

I'm back from my study abroad trip and I realized that I never even blogged about how much I loved Ireland... I, yeah. I just loved Ireland haha. It was really cool because like Scotland it had a lot of the cool buildings and things to see in the city but we took a train to a town called Belfast in north eastern Ireland and being on that train alone was amazing. It was along the coast and we just saw little islands and people on the beaches and the sunset. It was amazing. The next day we took a bus tour of the coast for 6 hours. Honestly, it was one of the most gorgeous days of my life. The weather was nice AGAIN somehow. I will never know how we got so lucky in Paris, Scotland AND Ireland. It was an amazing day.

Right now I'm home though and I'm happy I'm back. The trip was good but because it felt more like a vacation than like, living in London, I was ready to come home. Doing a million things every day got hard. It was time. I'm so thankful that I got to go and experience that trip. I only want to travel more because of it though. My mom said me and her will go to Italy together. She said it and I'm holding it to her.

I still have three papers to write so I'm pissed about that.

I missed my friends. I'm in love. Peanut Butter is the best in candy. 4% milk tastes crazy and I will never understand the point of .2% milk. Garbage cans on the corner of every street is something we should appreciate. Water doesn't cost 2 dollars. I'm as happy if not more happy than I was in January. This summer will continue to be amazing. Parks are perfect. My phone isn't glued to my hand. I like talking to strangers.

Sorry I'm not good at blogging often and with words of interest. I'll figure something out.

Worst Journaler Ever.

I suck. I did such a crappy job at documenting this trip. I have a week left and I have like four blog posts to prove it. Emily and Kelsey have written down every single event down in extreme detail so I guess if I ever need help remembering this trip I can just go to their blogs instead.

This last week since we've been back from Scotland has been good. We've been getting everything done in London that we want to have done before we go home. We went to the London Eye, Westminster Abbey, Tower of London, the Tower bridge, spent a whole day shopping, went to Phantom and Lion King. We packed it all in I tell ya's.

We also went to this town called Stratford-Upon-Avon. Tons of Shakespeare history is there. We spent two days there so we could see both Anthony and Cleopatra and Romeo and Juliet. They were both pretty good but Romeo and Juliet was my favorite Shakespeare play that we were required to see. I'm really glad to be done with them though. Too many 'thee's' and 'thou's' in my brain.

We leave to Ireland on Friday morning and come back monday. That will be way good.

I miss things. As much as I have loved this experience and the people I've met and the friends I've made I am ready to come home. I miss my room, and my bed, and talking to the people I'm seriously in love with because I miss the crap out of them so freaking much. All I know is that I will be home in 8 days and in probably 15 days I'll be like... Why was I so excited to be back in Utah... I gotta get out of here and bust over to New Jersey or something. I'm thinking thats what will happen. I'll try to blog every night that I'm here left like I did when I went to Jersey. I feel like it would be good to remember my day to day activities that happens here. It really feels like I'm just living here now. Its weird.

I love you. You better freaking take me seriously when I tell you to be safe.

PostDrawer

PostSecret is one of the coolest things. I love the idea of letting go of something that's so hidden from everyone you've ever known. Yes, the point is, I love stuff like that. While we were in Scotland we ate at this cafe and we didn't have anything to do for a couple of hours so we were just sitting there for a while. Eventually I got bored enough to check my surroundings, I filed through papers that were scattered over the windowsill that I was sitting up against, and eventually I noticed that the table we were eating at had drawers in then. I opened it up and guess what.

There were hundreds of notes in these three drawers right along where we were eating. They were just notes. About anything and everything. Some were sad and some were funny. But every single one of them was sooo cool for me. Because people from all over the world just put what they were feeling or experiencing.

I really like the Idea of being able to say whatever you want and not care about who is hearing it. I think its a very healthy thing. I've never mailed in a secret to PostSecret, but whenever I fly in a plane I always write a secret out and put it into the centerfold of the Sky magazine and leave it sticking out a little. It really does feel good, putting yourself down on paper and leaving it for someone to know or feel something about you.

This next one was my favorite. It was a full page and she just talked about how she had no idea what she was really even doing in Scotland and how she was from some small town in Oregon and she felt directionless and so scared that her life was much less significant than she planned on it being. She was 20.

You should be able to click it to see it bigger.

I just love that it kept going too. I want to know who started it and what that note said that made someone want to follow suit.

So after seeing something so cool, I couldn't pass up leaving one of my own.

Round Two.

We went to Edinburgh Scotland last weekend. Considering the fact that it hasn't been any warmer than 50 degrees since we've been here, we could only assume that Scotland was going to be freezing. We didn't even assume actually, we checked the weather and scoped it out. It was supposed to be cold. It said low 50's with cloudy skies. In our head that means freezing. We packed up only jackets and sweaters and pants and we were freaking ready.

We got there late at night on Thursday and it was cold so everything was going according to plan so far.

We stayed in a hostel called Art Roch Hostel. It had all of those stencil stickers all over the walls and windows and and supposedly that made things artsy. It smelled like the inside of a new cabin though so I had that going for me. Lindsey saved me with a pair of ear plugs that she gave me and they are my new favorite things. Even back at our apt in Kensington I just turn on my music really loud, loud enough to drown out the snoring my bunkmate makes, and sleep with my ear phones in. But now, ear plugs are just the best things ever.

Edinburgh was cool though. Our director honestly didn't have anything planned for us to do except one thing. We went into a town called Sterling to see a monument about a guy who helped save the down. It was a really nice town and I liked it a lot. But after that was over we had nothing to do. I loved riding the trains and busses around there because it's Europe and I love residential areas around here. They're amazing.

So I stayed in the hostel the first two nights and the last two nights I stayed at the Marriott with Emily Kelsey and Lindsey for the other two nights and we just found stuff to do. One day we went to the beach, went to the castle, went shopping, hung out in a park, our group did a ghost tour, and we ate a lot of food. I really have noticed that life would be so much better regarding your finances is you never had to eat, and it was just an optional thing. I have spend so much money on food. It's so stupid. And it doesn't matter how much things are when you're hungry. It doesn't matter at all. Oh this crepe is 10 pounds? 16 bucks in American lingo? Sure yeah sounds good. CREPES DONT FILL YOU UP! I just know that I better weigh 140 when I get home or else I'm going to be pissed I bought all this food for nothing.

Scotland really was cool though. The first day sucked only because NOTHING happened. I was worried thats how it was just going to be going. But staying at the Mariott was nice, it was 10 miles out of the city along a golf course and you had to walk like 2 miles up a hill to get there, which I loved because I miss going on walks. Plus it was cool because we're from Scotland so i saw some land and things that my future Telford's saw. I even checked with a vendor if Telford is still a regular Scottish name, and he said 'Aye'. Proof. I just hope Ireland goes better and we plan things out better.

We are officially done seeing Shakespeare plays now. We've seen five plays and these last two we got to sit down. I've had my fill of that guy. He was cool and stuff but I don't need anymore for a long time. We saw Macbeth, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Henry the 8th, Antony and Cleopatra and Romeo and Juliet. Done. Too much.

I'm aware that I'm not good at being entertaining on these like, documenting posts, but I really do do this so I can remember stuff and have this to look back on, the whole journal thing remember? Well you guys are cool and stuff.

Uhhh. Espanol?

This weekend was our first weekend on our own. I was excited. No offense to any of you in our group if you end up finding this blog, but I needed to get out of this little scene for a bit. We went to Paris for three days. Emily, Lindsey, Kelsey and I.

We took the Chunnel in because I thought it would be a lot cooler than it really was and because last minute flights to Paris weren't much cheaper. So this option was just simpler. Anyways, we got in at like 12. So our plan was to drop our stuff off at the hotel then go have fun and crap. Well we map out the whole plan of finding our hotel in Paris on the train and we feel like we have it down perfect. We take the subway with no errors and then we get into this part of town that looks pretty nice. We start walking to where we think it is and when we get to the exact address we realize its where an intersection is. Our hotel did not exist. We walked up and down the streets for two hours asking locals where it might be and if they had heard of it and none of them had. So we find some random hotel and go and ask them where it is. They call them and ask them and we find out that its 10 miles outside of Paris. We panic a little but we are like, okay. We can do this. It's fine. So we get back on the subway and head to this town called Torsey or something? The best way I can describe it is... like, well Kelsey said it was what Provo would be like if ONLY black people lived there. Kind of racist. But not really. Alright anyways. It's seriously really ghetto. We get out and we start looking for it. We look for so long, ask countless people walking by and a lot of stores and hotels. We can not find it. We call the hotel again asking for directions and we just get lost even more. We decide to screw it and just go get a new hotel thats actually in Paris. I start out so many of these sentences with the word 'we' that's got to stop. After HONESTLY 7 hours of walking and navigating our way through paris we walked until we found a place.

We found a hotel that was down the street from the Eiffel Tower but they only allowed 3 people max in a room, so we lied and said there were two and hand to sneak Lindsey and Kelsey in. We told the Concierge that we needed two beds, she looked confused. We just pushed the two beds together and slept horizontally of each other so we could all fit. It was such a nice change from the room I have to sleep in in Kensington. Freaking... death. That night we didn't have much time left to do anything so we just went out to dinner at this pretty nice restaurant just somewhere down there and then took pictures at the Eiffel Tower.

Emily had told her dad about our escapades and he booked us a suite at the Hilton right down the street from the Arc de Triomphe... I don't think I will ever learn how to spell that right. It was sooo nice. But yeah both days after our first crazy day we used the Hop On, Hop Off bus tours to see everything we wanted to see. We went to the Louvre and the Notre Dame Cathedral and a bunch of other things that I don't remember. But we did go up the Eiffel Tower and I proposed to Lindsey (DONT PANIC LAUREN IT WAS FAKE!) and people clapped and cheered for us and congratulated us and we were the talk of the west side of the second lookout point of the tower for a good three minutes.

There were a lot of annoying things that came with this trip. Navigating was seriously too insane. I don't know why it had to be so hard. It's seriously so easy here in London. The language barrier really did suck. I heard it wouldn't be a problem but we would have been a lot better off if we knew some French. I also got freaking annoyed with all the sidewalk vendors. They have all these stupid tricks to force you into giving them money. These guys would hold out strings to make bracelets for you and they would try to force them on your wrists. You just have to keep walking and keep your hands in your pockets. It got old. There was also the trick of being like a gypsy and walking around asking all the Americans if they spoke English. If you say yes, then they open up a piece of paper that says some crap about their cousin or dad or nephew being at war or in prison and they need money so they can travel to get them home. We were all sitting on the curb waiting for a bus on the last day and one of the Gypsy's came up to us and said, Do you speak English? And Emily just shook her head. Then she asked if we spoke French and Emily just shakes her head again and says, "Espanol?" And the gypsy got pissed and walked away, 90% sure she cursed us, but thats okay because it was so hilarious.

I don't know why I didn't put pictures up on this. I got some good ones. Check my facebook soon our something haha. I feel like there is a lot of stuff I left out of this post. Thats not a good thing. A lot of stuff happened in those three days and I cant remember. I need to start paying attention to this vacation. I love you. Be safe.

Round One

We leave to Paris tomorrow. Just me, Lindsey, Kelsey and Emily. It will be crazy I'm thinking. We don't have a plan really. We want to see four things specifically and figure out the rest there. I'm so excited. I wish we had a translator.......... cough...

The other night we took the 37 year old autistic man out for cake because it was his birthday and nobody really cared haha. We went to the only pastry shop that was open at 11 and he loved his cake and it was so funny. He is just so cut and dry with his speech but he's pretty smart and man. He says the funniest things. Someone got some pictures, I should put it on here. Then we bought a homeless man a brownie because we thought he was homeless, but after we gave it to him we realized he was not homeless.

A group of people from Minnesota just moved into our building so we're going to be friends with them so that will be nice to have a few more normal people to hang out with.

Thats all really. We're heading to the flea market right now. So have a freaking great day. I love you.

I don't want to do it that way.

The first weekend was crazy here. We spent friday night in this town called Salisbury which is about 2 hours outside of London. It was really really cool. It was like, the Springville of Utah. It was really small and quiet and normal and I loved it. The people were nice too. We went to this nice restaurant and everyone was nice and stuff. Something I'm not used to yet here.

Well after that we met up with most the people in our group at a bar and then these two guys asked us to play cards with them so we did then they wanted to go to a dance club/bar so we did and people were getting drunk and making out with foreign men and I was just watching it all happen and it was so freaking funny. At the end of the night we were walking back to our Hostel at like 2 am and the hostel was like, down this pretty scary alley thing and they were all freaking out so I held their hands and was guiding them up this ramp thing and this guy busts out from the trees freaking out and screaming and everyone was FREAKING out but it was just some guy who was staying in the hostel. So we talked to him and laughed and he was pretty cool. But then the two brittish guys from the club found us so the girls were freaking out that they got stalked. But everything was fine.

But the next day we went to this old abandoned castle grounds there and this AWESOME cathedral where there was an actual church service being held. We stayed for the lords prayer then left. It was soooo amazing. Then we walked around the town for a while and checked out this outside market thing and I loved it and got CYD HER PRESENT! Then we went to Stonehenge which was cool and I really always wanted to always see it but then I found out that the government like messed with them and repositioned them because they were all messed up and stuff. I seriously thought they were untouched for as long as time has existed.

But then Sunday we went to church and the talks were on service and it was pretty cool. I liked it. Next time we're going to the singles ward though so hopefully that will be better. But then that day weeeee. I dont even remember. We did something. Geez. how do I not remember. I talked to my mom for mothers day! That was good. I love my mom. Shes amazing. I think we just hung out at home... Freak this is bugging me.

Today we went to Oxford University! We ate at the pub that CS Lewis and J.R.R. Tolken ate and drank together talking about their books and stuff. Its a pretty awesome place. But everything was closed when we were there. Mondays things close early I guess haha.

But thats all thats going on right now. We leave to Paris on friday though! Thats going to be freaking insane. I love you. Be safe.

Entry 1: Should I Format it Like This? I don't think I should..

Alright, I'll start putting like, one picture per entry on this from now on I guess. Anna told me I can just make a journal from my notebook. I figured that was a good idea but the only time I really blog is late at night and everyone in this room is dead asleep by 1. So this just seems like a better option.

I just figured I'd post only the highlights. I don't want to post every freaking day. Too boring. Yesterday we did more sight seeing. We saw Big Ben, West Minster Abbey, Trafalga (CYD AND ANNA) Circle and The London Eye. It was a busy day but I loved it. We are doing all of the sight seeing stuff on nice days. "Nice," according to Rick is when its not raining. Yesterdays high could not have been anymore than 45. I'm not complaining but It was just cold and windy and I wouldn't have minded a museum. I freaking love museums. But yes. I still loved it all. I got this CRAZY bottle of Lemonade. It was awesome.

Today was a day that I feel like I will be having more of on this trip. I woke up a half hour late for class, and went back to sleep after class was over. Until 2. I didn't care though because my bunkmate snores soooo loud and I couldn't fall asleep until 4:30 last night. He seems to be having clearer nostrils tonight because its sounding pretty mild. Honestly I turned up Paramore on my iPod loud enough to drown out the snoring and THAT is when I fell asleep.

Anyways. We went shopping for some crap we needed, I should have my debit card back by TOMORROW! I tried to find the place I need to pick it up from this afternoon but I got lost haha. But yes. Tomorrow is the moment of truth. I'm kind of nervous it wont be there. But after that we went to the Globe to see the play Macbeth. I liked it. It was really cool to see how it was done. Plus we got to walk past the bridge that the dementors bust down on Harry Potter 6! Coooollll stuffff.

Well. Here I go. The snoring sounds like its at its mildest form, so wish me luck.

I Forgot a Journal

I forgot two things on my trip to London. My debit card, and a journal. So I'm going to bore you with all the things I do here. Hopefully some crazy stuff happens because as much as I will be using these next few entries more for my benefit, I would still like it if you enjoyed reading it ha.

Well I really do declare these first past 48 hours some of the longest hours of my life. I slept three hours before I flew out, and slept for like, maybe a half hour on the flight to London. I told everyone I needed ambien. Nobody believed me. But I blame the fact that I couldn't sleep on the plane due to the fact that my debit card was for sure lost for good. I knew it had to have fallen out of my wallet when I got it out for a second at fat cats or on the road or something. But Anna ended up having it, and if everything keeps going well, I should have it back in my possession by Wednesday at noon. We are all very excited.

Today was good though. We got in, then to keep us awake all day we went out onto the streets and walked to Buckingham Palace. It was pretty cool. We also walked through Hyde Park a little bit and its an awesome park. I'm going to go to there to read when it gets warmer.

We went to dinner at this crazy Chinese place that I already cannot remember the name of. It was good. I like different food. Its not like, way out there, but it was different. It kind of reminded me of something I'd eat at New York. Thats something else about this place. It really isn't much different from home. I can get all the same stuff that I could always get and everything is accessible. I don't know. I was expecting some culture shock, not sure why. Its not like I was going to Ethiopia. I have almost reached the point where I start to hallucinate I think. So I really should go to bed. After I watch Amazing Race. 50 bucks is on the line.

Re-do.

This year has gone pretty back and forth. If you scroll down on this here blog, I talk about it being a good year and no more sad posts and all that crap. Well I decided it would be a better idea to not blog than to blog about more of the same stupid crap that goes on in my life. Because I really don't think any of it was as awful or dramatic as it really was. I just tend to make things that way in my head, so then it manifests through my behavior, and affects the way the others respond to me, so it just messes everything up.

I think I'm doing better at not letting that happen though. Life is fine. It works out. People come back.

I'm excited for what the next few months have planned for me. Not scared like I was back in February.

But I guess I'll update like, life. I went to California with Drew, Cyd, Anna and Annie. It was a good four days. We went to six flags and the beach and just hung out and it was fun. I'm glad we went. Anddddd. I leave to london in two days. I'm sure I'll talk about life over there haha.

Never Have I Known.

Last night me Cyd and Anna went to a concert with a bunch of bands and stuff. Anyways. Anna and Talley were like, jokingly fighting and then next thing I know Anna says a bad word and her knee cap is not where it was supposed to be. People were gathering around and the ambulance was called and she was taken to the hospital to get everything put back into normal.

Now I need to make it known that I have never almost involuntarily crapped my pants more. Kelsea was able to stand right next to her and hold her hand while we were waiting for the ambulance but other than that I just stood there like, in unbelief and was just like. No. Not real. After like 10 mini cry fits she was back to her normal self and in a hospital bed.

I just had to remember this because seriously never have I been more concerned for a friends health in my life. I thought she was on the road of death. Anyways, I love Kelsea and Cyd and Anna for like, just being like, alive and not doing this type of thing to me very often because that was just such a scary thing.

Background. Backgone.

Does anyone know what happened to my cool emotastic background? It vanished. It was cool, it was here, it tied my blog together. Someone help.

Cooler Title

I just realized that I title these things way random weird words. When I first started typing "Uhhh" the auto-filler put up like three or four different titles that start with "Uh." I don't what that means about me because I used to think I took the titles into careful consideration... hahaha. Well whatever. I don't freaking care its a title.

I haven't been as constant on this thing as I should have been so thats getting annoying because I used to have this sort of flow going on. I was able to mesh two blogs together into one continuous story and it was cool sometimes!.. yeah I'm getting bad. I just wrote like three sentences and it was going nowhere so I just deleted it and decided to tell you that I did that instead.

Things in life are a little weird right now. I'm dealing with some family issues that honestly, aside from my brother (no offense if you ever find this Logan I love you) I never thought this would be something we would deal with. But we're dealing with it and we'll all be okay.

I'm officially going to a study abroad to London this May! While I'm there I'm going to be able to spend a weekend in France, a weekend in Italy, a weekend in Switzerland, and a weekend in Ireland. I really am so excited for this trip and I'm glad I've found some normal people in the group to be my friends while I'm there haha. I'm sure I'll fill this blog with cool London stuff once I'm there. So look forward to that haha.

But I hope that YOU are good. I have 23 followers now. I never thought this day would come... Dream come true I tell you. Only not really because this is an embarrassing thing from time to time. But you guys are cool and stuff. Be safe and listen to The Rocket Summer because I think every time I listen to their new album I smile and I look at the world in a much happier way.

Scared.

There are a LOT of things about my life in the future that I do not want to happen. I don't want to "Wind up" anywhere, I don't want to be a person I'm forced to be, I don't want to reflect the characteristics of people that I don't respect, and I don't want to be a sad person. You know, the type of sad person who doesn't really feel like they are sad but then you look at their life and you're like, "Wow, thats sad."

It scares the crap out of me that I KNOW that soooo many 19 year olds out there are thinking the EXACT same thing.

But what scares me even more, is that chances are. The people who are in the situations that I'm talking about right now, probably thought the same things that I'm thinking when they were 19.

Learn-ed.

I need to learn to stop hanging on perfect moments. Okay, well when I was between like 7 and 10 winter time was so special to me and as I got older I would compare the winter holidays to how they used to be and I'd always end up getting disappointed. Thats a crappy example but you know what I mean. I've learned how to love new experiences I have but I still get hung up on certain things and I cant move past my own stupid wants and needs for more perfect moments. I need to calm down and relax because honestly my life is a good one and I should learn to always find happiness in any 'down' part of my life. Because there is always some damn good stuff going on and I need to learn to see it.

Arizona/Yup!

Well I made it to Arizona. I have never driven that drive the whole way before. I've always driven maybe 2 out of the 10 hours, the rest is up to my dad or a sibling. But me and Hayden did it and we got along so well. We tried listening to a church book but that didnt work, so he listened to me sing along to my music for 7 hours haha.

I've had such a perfect week. This whole year so far has been perfect. I feel like its possible that if things keep going as they are, I'll never go back to the way this blog usually is. There isn't an end in sight so far :) I hope your new year is going well because 2010 is going to be a good one for me. I know I said it in the last one but I just have a really good feeling about this year and I'm happier right now than I was for most of 2009... Even though I already forgot to take an online quiz for my Humanities class haha.

This picture is of somewhere in Arizona. Thanks to Geology I know how this river was formed. Kelsea, care to share with the class its explanation? Clue: The answer is NOT Ox Bow Lake.

Confident. You'll see.

I know this is going to be a better year. This year has started out awesome for me and I just have such a good feeling. I feel like things are going to still happen and there might be some crappy parts, but I just know that this year is going to be a million times better than last year. Thats all I have to say on the matter haha.

I hope new years was good and I hope you're all good. Its going to be good everyone 2010... be nice.