Really Though..

I really did used to be good at this. Well, I don't know if it was called 'good' but I swear even when I was blogging about depressing things at least it was drama that kept some people reading. I don't know why I suck at even keeping a cyber journal. This is a million times easier than writing in a journal because I always get on my computer at night and check my facebook and email and stuff so I don't even have a freaking excuse.

I know my goal was to finish the bulk of my room by the end of June but I have to tell you that I failed. I've failed at being very productive this past month actually. But I don't think I care because I really did work hard this past year, both semesters were busy for me and I'm okay with how lazy I've been.. for now. I just don't want anything to consume my time this month or next. I'm going to be plenty busy in the fall. Plus I got A-'s in both of the classes I took in London so I think a good summer is a nice reward. I just think I'm really good at rationalizing things in my head. If I convince myself that something is a good idea, then I'll go with it and I wont stop. So good thing I'm convinced that I don't need to be busy this summer. But I WILL finish my room this month.

Well I guess life is still happening, my laziness hasn't slowed that down. Even though these past 22 days have felt like an eternity. My parents are officially getting divorced. My mom filed about two weeks before I came home from London and it should be final within a month. So thats been tough. I really don't know how its been so easy on my family to adjust to it. I really don't understand it even because it came out of nowhere. It really hit our family so hard and so unexpectedly. My mom and dad have always been so affectionate with each other and I saw how much they loved each other and they have always been proof to me that love can exist for as long as you believe it can. I still believe in love, I haven't lost doubt in it or anything. I think I'm still just slowly realizing more and more how different life is going to be in 5 years. But we really are all doing okay and even Hayden is handling it well. I really do love that kid, he is a million times stronger and more mature than I ever could have tried to be at his age.

I just started feeling way weird and dizzy. Like I'm watching my hands type this right now and i feel like I'm watching it through a video camera. Whoa. This is seriously like happening live right now. As I type this. Freaking I feel like I'm going to pass out. Okay I think I'm fine now, but I think that was a warning that I need to sleep right now. Sorry this was long, and sorry if this was a boring journal blog.