Im ok with it.

I stayed out again until 3:30. Not good for health or my morning me. But I'm ok with it. I love being able to be my youthful self while not considering the consequences. You're only 18 once, and soon I wont be 18 anymore, so why not throw a pretend rave at a bowling alley at 12:30 at night? I love my friends, I sometimes wish they would stop expecting me to conform to things of their liking, I feel like I need some friends who will love me for exactly everything that I do/am. I guess that would be hard for me to find considering I've never opened up to any of my friends that much. I just feel like I'm missing out on something. But I'm so grateful for the friends I do have and I love them all so much :D

Also, I'm running out of money. I quit my job about a month and a half ago and I'm finally starting to panic. The week after my birthday I have promised myself that I am going to go apply to at least three different places. I'll let you know what places those are once I decide haha

Ok. roommate update... I can't handle the situation anymore. I have to leave my apartment. I got a list of open rooms and I plan on buying someone's contract on monday. One of my roommates is a really nice guy. I took for granted how good of a roommate he was. I will make sure I let him know I didn't move out because of him, because I'll honestly miss him. The other one... He treats me like I'm his son. He HONESTLY called me "champ" this morning. Who the hell does that? He's 22! I'm not 14! He sat me down and lectured me on not having girls in my room, PERIOD. He told me how dangerous and contract breaking the situation is. When I told him that my friends and I didn't really care and that we are all just friends he said, "Alright well I'm interested in finding out what your future district leader will say when you invite girls over to the mission home." I then said something like, "Sometimes my friends just go in when I'm not here, its not a big deal." as he conveniently left the apartment he said, "Maybe sometime soon I'll give you a lesson on how to manage women." He just.... I cant describe how much he bothers me. AND he makes all this organic crap and doesn't clean up his mess EVER! and our kitchen/family room always smell like someone literally threw up on the floor and left it there. But I don't care. Soon I'll be gone.

Sorry about that rant, I know these are boring to read when they're long, so thank you to those of you who read it :)

One of my videos :)

 Me allie and missy made this video. My first attempt at editing a movie. I like it.

Another

Just a quick sum up of last night because it was out of control.

I picked up Anna, then drove Kelsea home (fool thought she needed to sleep) then we went to get Cyd. Then we just. drove everywhere there is to drive. Got hot chocolate. Went to annas, ate grilled cheese. so good. got threatened by cyd almost died. Then went home. I got to bed at 6. It was craaaazy.

I block things from my memory. When something bothers me, or something happens that I feel like was unfair or just, awful. I totally block it. Im grateful for it sometimes, but then I realize. Im blocking parts of my life that are crucial for like, I dont know. I was just looking through some pictures on facebook (ha, yeah, still attached to facebook) and i just stopped at this one picture and stared at it for 5 minutes. Remembering things. Good things. Things i miss and wish i still had, but immediately following came all the bad things. And i remember why i blocked that memory in the first place. I should delete all this haha i dont want to be emo annoying kid. But i can treat this like a journal all i want ha.

Yes I Tried.

I vowed to take pictures of winter at least twice. This is round one. I feel like I did ok being limited to my one small stretch of hill that I walk on... I somehow took pictures of myself too. But I like some of them so, haha.

Im adding these pretty weird, so i hope it looks ok and is working.

Hahaha

These were just some favorites. If you want to see them all go to my Facebook page :)

Night

Nights are weird.

Emotions are always twisted at night and my perception is totally off. This goes for me at least. My mind is more open, and everything in my brain is way more sensitive to everything around me. I like it, but i hate it. Everything's better, but everything sucks. I have no clue how to explain. But i feel like this almost every night.  This sounds super emo. I do this a lot. I just never how to put from my brain onto here. HAHAHA im making NO sense.

I watched Lost though tonight. It was a good start to the season.

Also, one of those little ring things that go on the side of shoes, like that keep that tiny hole an open circle, it fell off on my right shoe.

Day

Today was. Long. For me at least.

I woke up at 8. on a day off. yeah it was a big deal. I was at my parents house at 9 and me, Hayden, Connor, and my Dad went to the Auto Show up in Salt Lake. We have been going to this thing every year, and i always enjoy going, even though i dont care about cars at all. I just like doing it with my dad.

After that we drove home around 12:00 (BY THE WAY, i ate a REAL breakfast, lunch, AND dinner. at appropriate times for the past FOUR DAYS! Once again, thats a big deal) I said hi to my mom and i left to Missy and Allie's to drive off to the Sundance Film Festival. We got there at around 2:30 and got in line for standby tickets for the movie Adventureland with Kristen Stewart and some other kids. There are a lot of SNL characters in it and i know its going to be hilarious. We got our numbers, and went to dinner. After making a dash for shuttle busses and navigating our way through the busy roads, we made it back in line to receive our tickets. We asked this one girl in line what we do and she was just like, "Get in the back of the line." Allie calmly replied, "No i think we line up in numerical order with what it says on our card." (we were 53-55, relatively close to the front of the line) The girl responds with, "No, because we have been waiting in line since 5:45 which is when you SHOULD have been here." i got so pissed because it was like 5:55 and i got so angry i was about to say something more rude, but i just said, "Whatever i dont care." And walked right in front of her and earned my spot in line a good 50 people in front of her :) I hated her though, and i wish i would have said something like, "Yeah well you have greasy hair and you shouldnt be wearing yellow it makes you look fat you freak." But i didnt because it was just an angry impulse for her being so mean. In the end, we didnt get in. They let 1-50 in. so we were 6 away. But its ok. I plan on seeing Adventureland when it comes out anyways. But it was still a fun day. We saw Zooey D. From Yes Man and Elf. And the black cop from Reno 911, also im pretty sure i saw Robin Williams.

We got back at around 8 and i met up with anna. We got a coke, and went to find cyd. We found her at a party so we went to the party. Ate fruit by the foot. froot? do they spell it wrong? I think they do. Its on the counter i should go check... I cant get up. Then we just left and i got home at 11 and it was just. a long day. but i feel healthy. i didnt know food could do this. OH YEAH. dougnuts. ate those too. and now im not tired. which is way messed up. ok. gavin, when you see this, write about the night before tonight because it was crazy messed up.

This is what I

I hate being a plan B. After living the plan C lifestyle from time to time, ive been able to pick up whenever I'm being used as a plan B and I dont know why I allow myself to think its ok. But ill tell you. Its always great when you are in the middle of doing something, and someone tries to use you as their plan B and you get to tell them you cant, leaving them stranded. Its so good. I feel like a hypocrite though, because ive used people as a plan B, but you get caught up in it sometimes, having friends. And it doesnt feel like a big deal when youre the one who has all these different options and such. I dont know. ok, moving along and keeping it short.

I want a snuggie. I know they are impractical and i hate the commercial to death, but they go about it all way too dramatically. I think theyre cool! Plus, it would save me at least 30 bucks in place of the "Eternal Peace and Happiness" robe that i am required to get.

(I joke sometimes)

Also, the three of you who read this, tell me of any blogs that you love reading. I want to read more and i have no clue what or who to look for on this.

ALSO! I made friends with a guy from Germany! Just thought id mention it. Heiko is his name. Can a name get any more awesome?

Music Video/Picture Time

Going to do a music video. To one of the three following songs. Done all alone people. Im scared that it will turn out way cheesey and horrible, but its a goal ok? be supportive.

Dear Maria, by All Time Low

There Was No Thief, by Relient K or

Sleazy Wednesday, by Jack's Mannequin

Hope it doesnt turn out horrible.

Also. Im determined to get on the trail I walk and take pictures of this winter greatness while its still freaking here. I want to take pictures of winter twice. and i have to hurry the freak up. Keep reminding me to do so if i dont within the next couple of weeks because i have to do this.

Um. i dont know why i did this. Good goals for me to be reminded of through my blog i guess.

Nothing Interesting

Well. This weekend. Was fun. It feels like every day is mashing in with the next and I am starting to lose days from my memory. That sentence doesnt make sense but i dont care. It just feels like time is going by so much faster and its messing with my brain. Anyways.

Friday. I somehow ended up in a High School dance group that we werent invited to be in. And we danced. Yes. Me. Danced. Ive said it before. I dance like an old man trying to dance like ellen. Its messed up. But it was fun. Then we made some freaking good muddy buddies. Drove kids home. Drove back to apt. and LIFE WAS SAVED BY A SMART DEER! And went to bed.

Saturday. Woke up late. Helped Kelsea because I'm just such a nice friend...Right kelsea my dear? Got hair did. Went to say hi to my mom. Went to visit Caitlin. Went to my apt. Played one song on Rock Band. Got doughnuts. Went to Mr. Springville (which sucked). Went to Cyd's. Got ambushed by Kate. Ate doughnuts. Drank Milk. Went to Apt. Watched The Strangers (Still one of the best, scariest movies ive ever seen and i love it. but i hate it at the same time) Drove them home. 

It honestly feels like these last two days, was one afternoon. Like, sleep isnt relative. I forget everything that happens between 12:00 AM and like...3:00 PM. I know this isnt a good thing.

Also. I need to find a job, to compensate for the fact that i might only take two classes this semester... dont tell anyone...kelsea...

Resolutions/Outcome

Well, big surprise, my new roommate (Ian, his name is) did not come to church with me and Jason today. So I still have not met him. Also, I'm convinced he's scared that I'm some giant freak because after i came home, got dressed and made my exit, I heard his door opening right as my back was turned from his door. I turn around to friendly meet him, and, while the door is STILL SWINGING OPEN, he is gone. Disappeared behind his door most likely. I'm getting concerned. 

Also. For the sake of Diane's sanity, I came up with several new years resolutions. I just hope I can accomplish at LEAST one. My 2008 resolution was to be less judge mental. I honestly was able to keep my resolution. I feel like I did a good job. Praise my accomplishment. I don't judge people on appearance, and rarely first impressions. This year I'm going for a more straight forward resolution.

Stop lying to myself- I rarely do things I tell myself I need to do. If I tell myself I need to wake up at 7 AM, i'll wake up at 7, and reset my alarm for 10. I want to stop telling myself to do something I know i probably wont do. Its making me doubt myself.

Read the Book of Mormon before Summer- I've already read it all the way through, but the first time i did it i did it just because my parents told me i needed to. This time im doing it because i want to. Which brings me to my third resolution.

Doing/being the things/person that I want to do/be- Pretty self explanatory haha.

My Living Situation. As it Currently Stands

Ok. I had roommates Ben and Jason. Ben moved out, Jason told an old roommate of his that a room opened up. Friend of Jasons moves in. Yesterday. I still have not met the guy, but last night. My friends came over. Both my roommates doors were closed and it didn't look like their lights were on, so we figured they were all asleep. My friends were mad because they hoped to see whether he was good looking or not. I'm just hoping he's normal. So we decide to go get a cake from Albertsons and we go and eat it in my kitchen. After Anna and Annie decide to try some 3 year old Day Quil, it was time for them all to leave. We have a door partitioning the three bedrooms and the living room/kitchen. (i hope partitioning is the right word) So Anna, Cyd and myself open that door to go to my room to get Anna's keys. She pushes open the door and we see my new roommate entering or exiting his room. Anna, not thinking, tries pushing the door open while its shutting so she can get a look at him. My roommate notices what she is doing, and forces it, very loudly, shut. Great first impression. And in an hour I'll be going to church with both Jason and his friend...